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‘I thought it was me’: Woman moved in with her boyfriend. Here’s why it went to ‘hell’ despite ‘lavish’ life

'I started to feel like I couldn’t hang out with my friends…'

 

Jack Alban

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Posted on Dec 13, 2023   Updated on Dec 12, 2023, 11:10 pm CST

A Los Angeles-based hairstylist named Selena (@sa.hair) posted a four-video series detailing how gunning for that get-a-man-to-pay-for-me-because-I’m-worth-it lifestyle isn’t all that’s cracked up to be.

Over the course of several clips totaling around 29 minutes or so of story-time, Selena details how she was charmed by a man who gave her everything social media dreams are made of: lavish vacations, jewelry, a big beautiful house, car, gifts “just because”—you name it—but that she always felt like something was off.

In addition to learning that the initially “magnificent” man she met ended up becoming increasingly possessive of her and keeping a close eye on every single move her made in both her real and digital life, that their relationship ended up with a bang: Literally as she found herself surrounded by SWAT team members who detained both her and her ex-fiancé.

In her first video, Selena highligts how there are several women on social media who champion finding significant others who will pay for their lifestyles, but that there is ultimately an issue with adopting this kind of existence. The TikToker says that while she thought she found someone who would be her “end all be all,” that she ultimately found herself having to start all over again as the man she ended up with who she thought was going to be the person of her dreams, ended up not being that for her when all was said and done.

Selena said that she was “frauded” from the life she thought she was going to live, before going into the story of how the two of them met. She said that she decided to take a different approach to dating this guy, who she immediately thought was “magnificent” and shared great chemistry with. She went on to say that she didn’t even kiss the guy until their fourth or fifth date and that, unlike other folks she dated when she was younger, made a conscious effort not to sleep with him after the first date or early on into their relationship.

Selena added that she was consciously allowing the man she interested in to “lead” the relationship and while she was seeing this particular man, she was telling him “everything” about her. She added that she informed him that she was going to therapy when they started dating as she wanted to put her best foot forward and be the “best version” of herself with him.

She said that her decision to share this information excited her former significant other, and that it influenced him to seek therapy as well. Not long after that, she says that the guy took her on “a little getaway” trip to New York City, where he purchased an engagement ring and then proposed to her on a rooftop hotel. Selena confessed that she was “shocked” by the move, even though he had previously mentioned he wanted to propose to her.

“I felt it. I felt connected with him. I felt like this was the only person I ever wanted to give myself to and yeah, so that was the beginning of our engagement,” she told her viewers after stating that she accepted his proposal, which was about three months after the two of them were together.

Selena acknowledged that her viewers would probably question why she accepted his proposal so soon into their relationship, but the TikToker explained that because the guy was so open and amenable to everything she brought forward, including her taking her time to “get to the altar,” i.e. not jumping into wedding planning right away, that level of comfort he made her feel prompted her to accept his proposal.

She said that the two of them got a house in April 2022 and it was around this time that everything had ultimately changed for her. Selena remarked that she enjoyed making her own money and having her own space, but that this shifted after moving in with her significant other who wanted to “provide” and “take care” of her. This new mode of life left her feeling, Selena says, as if she wasn’t able to have her own alone time or that she could hang out with her friends: “I started to feel like I was basically abandoning myself to be with somebody else to give me this different life. I talked about it with my therapist I told them my concerns he kind of basically told me that I had some avoidant attachments and I needed to start working on that so I could be open to love.”

Selena then said that for a while, she thought she was “the problem” and that she wasn’t able to accept love from “somebody else,” i.e. this man who wanted to provide for her and take care of her. And she said that while she believes this is true “to an extent,” that the dynamic of her relationship with this guy she was newly engaged to “felt different.”

The TikToker added that as her relationship with the guy progressed, there was a nagging feeling as if something wasn’t right and that she was somehow under surveillance in their relationship and she could feel the “frequency” of herself dwindling the more time she spent with this guy in their shared home.

“I just always felt like a caged bird. I felt like I couldn’t be truly free. And if you knew me, at that time, and you saw my life and the things that I would post on social media you would think that I had it all. I had the expensive lavish vacations, the jewelry, the brand new car, the endless amounts of gifts… just on a Tuesday. It was what you see on TikTok, I had that life.”

@sa.hair

Sharing my story to warn others from my mistakes 🥺

♬ Calm (Lofi) – Faneo sound

Things started taking a turn for the weird, however, when she started to ask more questions about what her significant other did for a living, and he said that he lived off of royalty checks he made for a band that was popular in Europe and even floated the idea around of living overseas. She says that while she was open to the idea, she had yet to see any type of evidence into the work that he did with this mystery band. In a second TikTok video she posted describing when she learned that her lavish lifestyle with Mr. Dream Man wasn’t as picture perfect as her social media accounts might suggest.

It was around this time that the guy she was dating began accusing her of talking to dudes on social media and that he would actively go through her phone while she was sleeping. She said that she would’ve much rather he just ask to look through her device as she would’ve let him do so, but didn’t like he was combing through her stuff sneakily.

They agreed to ultimately swap phones as a result of these arguments and when she went through his, she thought it was weird that he didn’t have any DMs with people online on any of his own social media platforms, but the two stayed together despite their mounting arguments.

Selena went on to say that despite living with the guy, she still kept her apartment, which she transformed into a salon as she works as a freelance hairstylist. This was the only time she ever had alone away from her fiancé, noting that he was keeping tabs on her while she was running errands or going out shopping, which included the Ring camera she installed in front of her apartment, which he had access to.

She added that in addition to this, he was able to track her via the car he purchased for her, as well as her AirPods, so she really couldn’t understand how her significant other thought she ever had any time during the day to rendezvous with anyone else or cheat on him; she couldn’t understand where the accusations were coming from.

In a third video, Selena says that the controlling behavior only seemed to get worse from there and Selena said that despite him stating he wanted to start pre-approving her social media posts and place an even stronger grasp on everything she did, she still stayed with him.

Then, there was the fateful night that the two of them were allegedly ambushed by a SWAT team: The two of them were awakened by a noise she said sounded like a “bomb” in the middle of the night and found several lasers pointing on the two of them and they were surrounded by law enforcement agents. “Trucks in front of our house…in our neighbors’ yards, there’s a drone flying around the house,” she said.

Selena said that she had guns pointed on her as her and her significant other walked outside with their hands above their heads and the two of them were summarily detained and separated: “They took him to federal custody and the FBI came and just completely raided the house and took everything. They asked me how long have I known him and what I knew about what he did for a living and I told him: Less than two years, and what he told me he was—a musician. They said thank you so much and they left.”

In the fourth video, which she records from the interior of a car on a sunny Southern California day, with palm trees in the background, she detailed what happened after the FBI left. Upon trying to find out what happened to her fiancé, she says that she learned that the guy’s family really wasn’t from overseas after getting in contact with his mother and informing her that he was arrested—so he didn’t have any family in France, which was what he told her during their time together.

It didn’t take long for Selena to discover there were a lot of other things her former fiancé allegedly lied about. Ultimately he wasn’t left with anything and he tried to squat in her apartment.

Selena added that because she wanted that “dream life” that everyone glorifies on social media she ultimately overlooked a lot of things about this guy that just didn’t seem kosher.

The Daily Dot has reached out to Selena via TikTok comment for further information on her story.

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*First Published: Dec 13, 2023, 4:00 am CST