The 5 best products in Hillary Clinton’s new campaign store

You're not a real American unless you have a Future Voter Onesie emblazoned with the Hillary Clinton logo.

Mar 1, 2020, 3:04 am*

Tech

Mike Fenn 

Mike Fenn

Hillary Clinton isn’t the only one gearing up for her 2016 presidential run—you, too, can now gear up right along with her by shopping in the official Hillary Clinton store.

The online marketplace is naturally bursting at the seams with Clinton-themed swag, taking a page from President Obama‘s book by offering shoppers—by which we mean potential voters—every conceivable item under the sun, all sporting the Clinton 2016 logo.

shop.hillaryclinton.com

All of the products in the store are 100 percent made in the United States. Every last dollar generated from the store, including for shipping and handling, counts as a campaign contribution.

Naturally, we had to browse through the store and find some of the best and weirdest items—items that Clinton herself might one day hold in her hand while muttering, “What was I thinking?!”

1) The Everyday Pantsuit Tee

shop.hillaryclinton.com

Obviously, Clinton is well aware of her most famous choice of attire: the pantsuit. And she wants to share that look with you—sort of. Why wear an entire pantsuit when, for the meager price of $30, you can have a T-shirt that looks like one? The shirt, which is only available in red, has a cartoonish pantsuit design on the front and reads “Pantsuit up” on the back.

2) Future Voter Onesie

shop.hillaryclinton.com

What better way to force your political beliefs onto your children while they’re more than a decade away from being eligible to vote? With your infant or toddler decked out in the Future Voter Onesie, you can guarantee that, at your next social event, all of the eyerolls will be just for you.

3) Progress Pint Glass

shop.hillaryclinton.com

Down your favorite domestic lager—nothing imported!—in an official Hillary Clinton Progress Pint Glass! Each such container is said to be made from “100% shattered glass ceilings.” We wonder if men’s rights advocates will point to this slogan after Clinton wins the election to support their narrow-minded perspective. (Think “Racism is over; we elected a black president.”)

4) Stitch-by-stitch Throw Pillow

shop.hillaryclinton.com

Cranking up the feminism to 11, this beautiful needlepoint pillow would make a wonderful—if odd—decoration to any home. This also makes an appropriate gift for any current or former female White House staffer.

5) Coffee & Conversation Mug

shop.hillaryclinton.com

This very punny coffee mug is a perfect gift for that overly patriotic Facebook friend of yours who posts lame coffee-related memes every Monday. It is apparently also ideal for “cross-country road trips,” since ceramic mugs without lids are a great idea in a moving vehicle traveling through unfamiliar terrain.

We can only hope that Clinton’s Democratic rival Bernie Sanders launches his own store soon. In fact, such stores should be mandatory for all presidential candidates.

Photo via Marc Nozell/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: May 26, 2015, 11:17 am