It’s Friday, Aug. 19. There are 80 days until the presidential election. Donald Trump‘s campaign is in tatters and yet he’s never been more popular than ever—as a movie critic.
The hashtags #TrumpExplainsMovies and #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots began trending at the tail end of the work week. As with the Donald’s typical Twitter proclamations, users stylized their silver screen critiques exactly as you’d expect.
Scar – strong leader, respected. Jungle going great. Now? A mess! #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots— B.J. Novak (@bjnovak) August 18, 2016
And look: Voldemort's not a bad guy, ok? Very good leader. Just doesn't think wizards should be mixing with mudbloods. #TrumpExplainsMovies— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) August 20, 2016
This guy, Max. Real mad. No water. Crooked Hilary probably holding out. I'd have water for everyone. Believe me. #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots— NJDent (@nj_jd_) August 18, 2016
So the Soylent Green…and here's the thing with Soylent Green and I've always said this, believe me…It's people. #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots— Eric Appel (@erockappel) August 18, 2016
And then crooked Scarlett O'Hara–can't run a mill or plantation–marries Rhett Butler–nice guy, tiny drinking problem #TrumpExplainsMovies— Terry Munson (@TerryMunson) August 19, 2016
Jar Jar Binks? Great guy. Known him forever. Winner. Gets things done. My new advisor as of today. #TrumpExplainsMoviePlots— Hope Jahren (@HopeJahren) August 18, 2016
This hashtag goes hand-in-hand with a satirical Trump-as-book-reviewer BuzzFeed post that ran way back in March. Photoshopped tweets showed the Republican candidate railing against likes of Hamlet and Gandolf. Trump would react similarly in real life were his attention span longer. There’s no way the man more distractible than a dog in a butcher shop can keep it together to read Finnegan’s Wake.
What the world really needs is something more the Donald’s speed, like music. It’s the last piece of media missing from this mockery holy trinity. A #TrumpReviewsRecords hashtag is pitch perfect at a time like this. Imagine the Donald giving that new Frank Ocean album a tone deaf listen.
Now, go forth and tweet.