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Photo via jeffreyw/Flickr (CC-BY)
The bogus holiday is more popular than ever—but it had to start somewhere.
Whenever mid-March rolls around, a bunch of dudes on the internet make noise about the prime rib and oral sex to which they’re entitled (because they didn’t complain that much on Valentine’s Day). March 14 is “Steak and a BJ Day,” and it exists because, apparently, telling your girlfriend to make you a sandwich gets old after a while. Basically, it’s a lame joke gone viral.
It’s unclear what percentage of these guys are serious about the occasion, whether anyone has ever actually observed it, and how fellatio-deprived anyone insisting on obligatory blowjobs must be. But by and large, the holiday exists to prompt workplace arguments or cringe-y remarks about relationships, gender inequality, and—why not!—cancer.
Btw. Ladies. Tomorrow is Steak and a BJ day. Hint. Hint.
— Gringo Brulee (@GringoBrulee) March 13, 2015
actually had a 10 minute debate at work about what women get instead of steak and BJ day
— Jack Neale (@JNEALE18) March 13, 2015
PR email alert for upcoming “Steak and BJ day”: “In case you find the ‘holiday’ to be crass, note it’s a fundraiser to fight breast cancer.”
— Sarah Seltzer (@sarahmseltzer) March 11, 2015
Some men bemoaning INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY. – Different story on March 14th, steak & Blow-job day…When is chocolate and cunnilingus day?
— Doll Face (@Dollusionary) March 8, 2015
How is a chick at work gonna say she isn’t doing steak and bj day because she doesn’t get a “romantic dinner and licked fanny day?”
— ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@cee330_) March 13, 2015
So sad i don’t have anyone to cook a steak for and give a bj to tomorrow. 😢😳
— Texas Angel (@wittles85) March 13, 2015
Butter her up on International Woman’s Day then bring her back to earth on Steak & BJ day.
Clever clever “Day” people.
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) March 8, 2015
HAPPY STEAK AND BJ EVE!!!
— DJ Jeansonne (@dj_jeansonne) March 13, 2015
For the 2016 edition, YouTube’s the Warp Zone “figured it was high time someone gave the holiday its own anthem.”
But in truth, Werd McCompany tried to claim that honor back in 2013, with this YouTube video that bears more than passing resemblance to Psy’s “Gangnam Style.”
So. How exactly did we get here?
More than one webpage purports to be the “official” site for the holiday, though none claims intellectual property rights. They’re in general agreement that Steak and a BJ Day was the invention of radio host Tom Birdsey, who introduced the concept on an FNX show in 2002.
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Still, would-be celebrants have contested this account, according to one admin: “Since  I have been contacted by several people claiming to be the original founders, and many more claiming that it is March 20th, not March 14th,” he wrote in a “History” section.
Imagine just how hideously, tragically sexually under-equipped the person who invented ‘Steak & a BJ Day’ must be. Or don’t, it’s horrible.
— Jem Roberts (@JemRoberts) March 12, 2015
The confusion is likely down to the fact that Birdsey lifted the concept from another radio DJ, Dave Rickards, who proclaimed March 20 “Steak and Knobber Day” in a comedy bit on San Diego’s 101.5 KGB FM in 1998.
This version of the holiday looks to have died out sometime in 2010. Opinion consolidated around March 14 and the more conventional “blowjob.”
Current date dissenters presumably don’t want Steak and a BJ Day to conflict with Pi Day, which falls on the 14th (3/14 corresponds to the first few digits of the mathematical constant π). Or maybe they just feel threatened by the faintest possible parallels to Valentine’s Day. There’s evidence, indeed, that the March 20 group is a bit hardline. Check this 2008 Yelp post:
March 20th is now officially “Steak, Beer, Blow Job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.” Simple, effective and self-explanatory…this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town, the name of the holiday explains it all…just a steak, beer, a blow job & afterwards just keep your fucking mouth shut for the rest of the day! That’s it!
Anyway, now you know that this dumb idea is just a litmus test for bro privilege (or whether someone follows shit like @MensHumor). If you have an opinion, you’ve already lost.
So enjoy hashing it out in a Facebook thread that your mom can read. The rest of us will be ripping through rare red meat and indulging in oral sex whenever we goddamn feel like it.
Editor’s note: This article has been updated for relevance.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'