Subway’s ‘footlong’ class-action settlement is bulls**t

This isn’t justice.

Subway had a fairly rough 2015—we don’t really need to get into it. But way back in 2013, the brand encountered a very different image problem when an Australian teen posted this photo of a Subway “footlong” on Facebook

The above image justifiably spawned a U.S. class-action lawsuit that, in the manner of such things, somehow took years to settle. There was no monetary compensation for the plaintiffs—not even partial refunds for those improperly sized sandwiches. Another win for Big Lunch. 

And while Subway was cleared of any wrongdoing, the chain did make one concession to its aggrieved customers, agreeing “to institute practices for at least four years to ensure its bread is at least 12 inches long.” I ask you, America: Is this what we were fighting for? An extra inch of bread?  

Look, nobody is going to Subway for that yeasty, spongy, oregano-crusted stuff they tuck all your cold cuts and condiments into. Nobody gets to the 11th inch of their sandwich and wishes there was a more substantial heel of plain bread to savor. This goes against the basic tenets of eating.

This is #TheSubYouWant! Stop in to get a classic footlong packed with veggies for only $6 each this February.

A photo posted by Official Subway (@subway) on

What’s more, Subway is only obligated to guarantee foot-long bread for four years. The span of a presidential term. The period of time between each World Cup. The length of a high school education. That’s it. Then they go back to selling slightly miniaturized bread loafs to save money on flour. Oh, and did we mention that the legally guaranteed “footlongs” cost more?

Wake up, people. You don’t have to take this from a sandwich shop. We need a revolution. We’ll eat at… well, not Chipotle, but we’ll think of something. We have to. The arc of the food universe is long, but it bends toward great promotional deals.

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H/T CBC | Photo via Stephan Mosel/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'