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The above image justifiably spawned a U.S. class-action lawsuit that, in the manner of such things, somehow took years to settle. There was no monetary compensation for the plaintiffs—not even partial refunds for those improperly sized sandwiches. Another win for Big Lunch.
I pulled out da ruler at subway and measured my shit bruh it wasn’t no 5 dollar footlong it was 11 3/8 inches smh I gave her 4.17 ayy
— Kevin Castro (@kevsdgaf) July 30, 2014
And while Subway was cleared of any wrongdoing, the chain did make one concession to its aggrieved customers, agreeing “to institute practices for at least four years to ensure its bread is at least 12 inches long.” I ask you, America: Is this what we were fighting for? An extra inch of bread?
Look, nobody is going to Subway for that yeasty, spongy, oregano-crusted stuff they tuck all your cold cuts and condiments into. Nobody gets to the 11th inch of their sandwich and wishes there was a more substantial heel of plain bread to savor. This goes against the basic tenets of eating.
A photo posted by Official Subway (@subway) on
What’s more, Subway is only obligated to guarantee foot-long bread for four years. The span of a presidential term. The period of time between each World Cup. The length of a high school education. That’s it. Then they go back to selling slightly miniaturized bread loafs to save money on flour. Oh, and did we mention that the legally guaranteed “footlongs” cost more?
This economy is crap. The price of a subway footlong has gone from 5 to 6 dollars
— jenny from the block (@Jennyythegr8) February 23, 2016
Wake up, people. You don’t have to take this from a sandwich shop. We need a revolution. We’ll eat at… well, not Chipotle, but we’ll think of something. We have to. The arc of the food universe is long, but it bends toward great promotional deals.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'