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Tamagotchis don’t do much, but they require a surprising amount of maintenance. You have to feed them and, more importantly, clean up their poop before they get sick and die.
Orlando Bloom does not clean up after his Tamagotchi.
Would you look at that?
That is one unhappy Tamagotchi. On a night dedicated to the x-ing of “manus” and “machina,” it looked safe to say that Bloom is one manus who does not highly regard his machina. Instead, he preferred to attend a swanky celebrity ball with tiny pixelated poo-poo on his breast. A political fashion statement, or simple laziness? What was going on inside the mind of actor Orlando Bloom, located inside Bloom’s fine-featured skull, perched just above Bloom’s be-shitted Tamagotchi? We may never know.
Pets are not accessories, Orlando Bloom! A well-cared-for Tamagotchi can live a productive life and provide decades of joy. One man kept his treasured pet alive for 20 years. You can’t even take yours out in public without letting it fall asleep in its own dookie.
For shame, Orlando Bloom. For shame.
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Jay Hathaway is a former senior writer who specialized in internet memes and weird online culture. He previously served as the Daily Dot’s news editor, was a staff writer at Gawker, and edited the classic websites Urlesque and Download Squad. His work has also appeared on nymag.com, suicidegirls.com, and the Morning News.