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Usually nothing good comes from shoplifting, but at least this dude getting busted for it has brought us this priceless moment.
The video below, seemingly first posted to a Facebook page, shows a grocery store’s staff confronting an unidentified man wearing an Ohio State University football jersey. He tries objecting to the accusations for a bit and then, when the jig is up, admits his crime and pulls a rack of ribs from his elastic-waist sweatpants.
While that’s pretty damn ridiculous, the attempted heist was far more ambitious. The meat bandit reveals the rest of his bounty: two packs of meat (ground beef or steaks), another pack of mystery meat, another rack of ribs, and, finally, the last rack of ribs (that we know of, at least).
While you’ll probably roar with laughter just watching the man pull the meat out of his pants, it’s also damn hilarious listening to the videographer mutter “oh my god” while watching this scene go down and seeing the one grocery store employee trying to balance the tower of protein.
According to the man confronting the pork burglar, this is the wrongdoer’s third or fourth time trying to get away with a loot of meat. While we really feel for this guy in that he feels like he’s in a place where he needs to steal all these groceries, it’s pretty inexcusable behavior.
And this type of crime is apparently fairly common. A man from Chattanooga, Tennessee, was arrested for trying to shoplift 15 pounds of meat in March, and another criminal in Akron, Ohio, was caught on camera stuffing shrimp down his pants.
It’s unclear if those pants ribs will now be marked down.
Gabe Bergado is a Daily Dot alumnus who covered dank memes, teens, and the weirdest corners of the Internet. One time, Ted Cruz supporters turned him into a meme—or at least tried to. In 2017, he started reporting for Teen Vogue's entertainment section.