- Sanders campaign fires staffer after anti-Semitic, homophobic tweets surface 3 Years Ago
- Brother Nature was attacked, says everyone just watched with phones out Today 2:45 PM
- Ryan Reynolds’ gin company hires Peloton wife for ad Today 1:24 PM
- Ex-vegan YouTuber accused of fraud after following meat-only diet Today 1:11 PM
- The 15 best Disney+ hidden gems and deep cuts Today 12:23 PM
- Everyone in GoFundMe scam involving homeless veteran has now pleaded guilty Today 12:06 PM
- Boy invites kindergarten class to his adoption–and people are emotional Today 11:56 AM
- Reddit links leaked trade deal documents to Russian campaign Today 10:44 AM
- How to stream Alistair Overeem vs. Jairzinho Rozenstruik Today 8:30 AM
- Amazon sends customers condoms and soap instead of Nintendo Switch Today 8:28 AM
- How to live stream Jermall Charlo vs. Dennis Hogan Today 8:00 AM
- Apple TV’s ‘Truth Be Told’ is a criminally dull drama Today 6:00 AM
- Thousands of Uber users have reported sexual assaults, company says Friday 5:40 PM
- ‘Astronomy Club’ reformats the sketch show Friday 4:58 PM
- Trump is concerned America’s toilets too weak Friday 3:53 PM
Tweets. Tuites. Toots. They’re short, and most of them are bad. In 2016, there were more bad ones than ever. Just the worst. Twitter has evolved into a kneejerk outrage generator, and it finally got a chance to test its weaponized Hot Take technology on a presidential election between the two least-liked candidates in recent history. The results were breathtakingly awful.
But, there were some tiny, glimmering pinpricks in the shroud of depression and misery that is Twitter, little lights of joy or snark that kept us from deleting our accounts. Some of them were the abstract meme artworks of Da Share z0ne. Most of them were, if we’re being honest, pics of Libby Watson’s cat, Digby.
A small and glorious number, however, were just, like… good jokes. Little things we could laugh at instead of burning down our homes for the insurance money. Here are 50 of them. This is the list. You may be thinking “There were other good tweets, though!” No. Stop. This is the list.
Goodnight, 2016 Twitter. Log off forever.
Damn, this part of the library is Lit A-F
— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) April 6, 2016
“Here’s your energy drink sir, just how you like it. 💯… uh… AF?”
My 19 year old boss: *hoverboards listlessly*
— vineyille (@vineyille) April 13, 2016
Nicolas Winding Refn at Starbucks: A Short Story
Barista: One mocha frap for *looks at cup, sighs* “The Visionary Director of ‘Drive'”
— C.J. (@cj_prin) June 22, 2016
♬ clowns to the left of me
jokers to the right
HERE I AM
between the jokers and clowns ♬
— dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) July 3, 2016
truly, digimon is the vanguard here, the subversive complementary critque; as we say “kant avec sade,” we might say “pokemon avec digimon”
— Michæl Lu†z (@WarrenIsDead) July 11, 2016
DEMOCRATS: Your stocks are safe with us in charge.
PEOPLE: We don’t have any.
DEMOCRATS: Oh, cool, I learned about you guys in undergrad.
— Richard Pictures (@doctorveritas) July 26, 2016
A: Your greatest weakness?
B: Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
A: Could you give an example?
B: Yes, I could
— Gary Illyes ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (@methode) August 24, 2016
[ME] i’m gonna try not to tweet as much. get some real projects of the ground
[ME, AN HOUR LATER] time travioli. the time traveling ravioli
— Happy Hollandaise (@pillowfort) October 4, 2016
10 months ago we had steve gawker, bob pepe and johnny covertly racist electorate. now we have no gawker, no pepes and a rising white suprem
— Hudson Hongo (@hudsonhongo) November 9, 2016
A Vine is a short video that requires 3 clicks to start and between 7-10 clicks to stop playing. It usually features someone screaming.
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) September 9, 2016
Regret to inform that I cannot see the Trump tweets you’re referring to, as I am blocked by the fucking President of the United States.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) November 16, 2016
record company: hey do you have a song like “Party Tonight”
Tool: no here is “Spiral (Fiop di Vinti) Part II”
record company: oh shit.. fuck
— Mike Chrismler (@DinkMagic) November 17, 2016
Basketball is a turn based strategy game in which teams attempt to damage a hoop with long distance projectile attacks or devastating melee
— Funny website man (@BevisSimpson) November 17, 2016
Spider Man, Spider Man
Chillin’ in his camper van
Kickin’ back, drinkin’ booze
head to toe in sweet tattoos
That is not Spider Man
— Tom Darby (@magicChopstick) November 21, 2016
He’s making a list
Checking it twice
Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice
Santa Claus is in contravention of the Data Protection Act (1998)
— joe of arimathea (@mutablejoe) December 6, 2016
Godspeed You! Dumb Bitch
— small saguaro cactus (@kittaveli) July 24, 2016
can you recommend folk singers with childlike voices?
well then can you ask joanna for me?
— Happy Hollandaise (@pillowfort) December 15, 2016
that feel wehn the frog sip the tea…however but that does nopt concern to me
— rob (@freecialis) May 25, 2016
im a bitch im a lover im a child im a mother im a rachel im a ross im also gunther’s boss
— merritt k (@merrittk) September 12, 2016
I gave an order for my men to remove the ambiguous phrasing from my house and they carried it out
— thom (@thwphipps) December 17, 2016
i’m sick of how millennials are always eating breakfast instead of buying houses at the income to house price ratios from 50 years ago
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) October 15, 2016
Brian Wilson: Honey.
His wife: Don’t do it.
BW: Hey, honey.
His wife: I’m serious.
BW: ……..You ain’t married to no average Beach Boy.
— Lauren O’Neal (@laureneoneal) May 5, 2016
normal @ replies: fammm 😂😂 this is so me
My @ replies: Source for your claim that “pee pee is poo poo’s son”?
— Funny website man (@BevisSimpson) November 28, 2016
Woke up pissed off about the word “ooey” again. This word is only ever attached to “gooey” and does not modify it. Fuck off “ooey”
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) November 2, 2016
the turkey takes his mask off
it’s edward snowden
obama groans, it’s too late to unpardon him now
— Sarah Jeong (@sarahjeong) November 24, 2016
in tolstoy’s war and peace, the war supporters are analogous to team jacob, whilst those who support peace are more similar to team edward
— ringworm (@prawn_meat) October 5, 2016
if god had told us that killing macklemore would only open the door for hamilton would we still have done it?
— jordan (@jordansarge) August 10, 2016
if your genre ends in -core,
then it’s guitars you’ll have in store
but if -wave is the at the end
you’ll hear synths, my friend
— Swinby on Snails (@dudeswinburne) June 19, 2016
Occupation: FULL TIME MUMMIE TO JORJA AND KASIEY
Bio: LOOKING FOR MAN TO TREAT ME AND MY RATS JORJA AND KASIEY LIKE A PRINCESS
— Tudley (@Ulillillysses) April 22, 2016
if you watch twitter backwards, it’s about a bunch of sad people tweeting less and less until they’re happy again
— nevona (@nevona) March 4, 2016
Jay Hathaway is a former senior writer who specialized in internet memes and weird online culture. He previously served as the Daily Dot’s news editor, was a staff writer at Gawker, and edited the classic websites Urlesque and Download Squad. His work has also appeared on nymag.com, suicidegirls.com, and the Morning News.