drunk raccoon

Milton Police Department/Facebook

Drunk raccoons on a crabapple bender triggered a rabies scare

Welcome to Milton Dallas!


Stacey Ritzen

Internet Culture

Posted on Nov 15, 2018   Updated on May 21, 2021, 1:34 am CDT

Raccoons are mostly harmless and adorable little trash pandas, earning their nickname by foraging in garbage cans in cities and suburbs throughout the country. Heck, some people even keep them as pets!

Except for, of course, when they’re not—as raccoons are also known carriers of the rabies disease. And thanks to an aggressively outgoing temperament and oftentimes lack of fear towards humans, sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between a healthy raccoon and a rabid one.

So when residents of the city of Milton, West Virginia noticed raccoons acting funny earlier this week, they were justified in calling in authorities. As police arrived on the scene, however, they were greeted by some drunk-ass coons on a crabapple bender.

A post to the Milton Police Department Facebook page on November 12 jokes that Patrol Officer Scarberry “made his first apprehension today, taking this masked bandit into custody with [the] assistance of Sargent Collins and several neighborhood residents,” adding that they had received calls about rabid raccoons twice over the course of two days.

“Turns out they appear to be drunk on crabapples,” the post continued. “Both coons were released near the woods unharmed. If you see a staggering and disoriented raccoon please do not approach it. It could be sick so call us and we’ll take care of it.”

“Welcome to Milton Dallas,” the post finished on a kicker.

So, Ptl Scarberry made his first apprehension today, taking this masked bandit into custody with assistance of Sgt…

Posted by Milton Police Department on Monday, November 12, 2018

Shockingly, this isn’t even the first time a drunk raccoon has gone viral. Three years ago in December of 2015, cameras at an alcohol warehouse captured an errant raccoon that had broken in and apparently decided it was Miller Time.

“Yo, this raccoon is drunk,” one worker helpfully remarked at the staggering creature. “Oh, stupid raccoon is drunk,” he continued, laughing, while another added, “This is a problem, we need an intervention.”

What, a guy can’t tie one on now and then without it all of a sudden being a “problem?” Sheesh, judgemental humans.

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*First Published: Nov 15, 2018, 11:32 am CST