Presidential candidate and prize-winning pumpkin of the apocalypse Donald Trump posed an interesting question on Twitter Tuesday afternoon: “Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference? What is in her hand??”
Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference? What is in her hand?? pic.twitter.com/HQB8dl0fhn
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2016
Let’s investigate!
First, the agenda behind Trump’s post becomes more clear when you realize the reporter in the photos is Michelle Fields, who left pro-Trump news site Breitbart after Trump’s campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, allegedly assaulted her. The incident was caught on video, and Lewandowski has now been charged with battery.
Following news of the arrest, Trump defended Lewandowski on Twitter.
Wow, Corey Lewandowski, my campaign manager and a very decent man, was just charged with assaulting a reporter. Look at tapes-nothing there!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2016
He then followed up with the accusatory photo of Fields “touching” him while holding an object whose nature he was seemingly unable to discern. He even made some noise about pressing charges.
Victory press conference was over.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2016
Why is she allowed to grab me and shout questions? Can I press charges? pic.twitter.com/qbW2RjkINX
Turns out a lot of people on Twitter had some ideas about what unidentified object might be, ranging from the obvious—
.@realDonaldTrump that’s a pen. People with normal-sized hands use pens to write words.
— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) March 29, 2016
RT @realDonaldTrump Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference? What is in her hand? pic.twitter.com/PYNfge8sWl
— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) March 29, 2016
—to the hilarious.
.@realDonaldTrump camra zoom in pic.twitter.com/9URrHI4Xex
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) March 29, 2016
What does Donald Trump have against Bee Movie, Jerry Seinfeld’s bee-loved 2007 animated comedy? We may never find out.
There were many more good responses to Trump’s apparent unfamiliarity with a basic writing instrument. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer:
Good eye, @realDonaldTrump pic.twitter.com/MP6V4QpqWe
— Nolan D. McCaskill (@NolanDMcCaskill) March 29, 2016
@realDonaldTrump I enhanced it, sir. pic.twitter.com/rjoorYjg5v
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) March 29, 2016
https://twitter.com/JimmyDonofrio/status/714903095990476802
https://twitter.com/eliasisquith/status/714905168748363776
https://twitter.com/sparksjls/status/714904781853233152
Does the man who bills himself as a strong leader, claiming he’ll “bomb the shit out of” ISIS and “take the oil,” really expect us to believe he’s afraid of pens? Yuge if true.
But it couldn’t be true, could it? After all, there’s plenty of evidence that The Donald has used a pen before.
Photo via @realDonaldTrump/Twitter
