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Donald Trump pretends to have never seen a pen before

Paranoia 2016.


Jay Hathaway

Internet Culture

Posted on Mar 29, 2016   Updated on May 27, 2021, 12:41 am CDT

Presidential candidate and prize-winning pumpkin of the apocalypse Donald Trump posed an interesting question on Twitter Tuesday afternoon: “Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference? What is in her hand??” 

Let’s investigate! 

First, the agenda behind Trump’s post becomes more clear when you realize the reporter in the photos is Michelle Fields, who left pro-Trump news site Breitbart after Trump’s campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, allegedly assaulted her. The incident was caught on video, and Lewandowski has now been charged with battery.

Following news of the arrest, Trump defended Lewandowski on Twitter.

He then followed up with the accusatory photo of Fields “touching” him while holding an object whose nature he was seemingly unable to discern. He even made some noise about pressing charges. 

Turns out a lot of people on Twitter had some ideas about what unidentified object might be, ranging from the obvious—

—to the hilarious. 

What does Donald Trump have against Bee Movie, Jerry Seinfeld’s bee-loved 2007 animated comedy? We may never find out.

There were many more good responses to Trump’s apparent unfamiliarity with a basic writing instrument. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer:

Does the man who bills himself as a strong leader, claiming he’ll “bomb the shit out of” ISIS and “take the oil,” really expect us to believe he’s afraid of pens? Yuge if true. 

But it couldn’t be true, could it? After all, there’s plenty of evidence that The Donald has used a pen before.

Photo via @realDonaldTrump/Twitter

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*First Published: Mar 29, 2016, 7:14 pm CDT