Sushi restaurants are some of the best places to peep the worst in dating experiences. Be it at the bar watching a chef prepare nigiri or watching the fireworks unfold at a table, there’s just something about raw fish, rice, and seaweed that turns romance sweet, then sour.
Well, sometimes it’s all just shit, as you can see from Kelly Fine‘s captivating livetweeting of a terrible date gone even worse. Could Fine have been privy to one of the most garbage nights out in history?
There's a couple on their first date at this sushi place and the guy announced "I don't look at menus. And I'm ordering for us." Girl.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
If only there was some way he could have known this before hand.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Fine seriously sets the scene with this menu-averse douche barking wrong orders to the wait staff.
He asked his date if she wanted dry wine. She said "sake." He said "sweetie I can't make all the decisions for us." She said "…sake?"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
And having a hard time understanding that sake is rice wine and it can be pretty damn dry. Sweetie, you may want to shell out for a sake flight sometime and educate yourself.
Omfg he asked the chef if they had giant clam. They said no. He asked the waitress. She said no. He said " I don't look at menus."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
What is with this dude’s obsession with giant clam, though? Freud would have a whole lot to say about that. Fine keeps it real and gives us the fly-on-the-wall tweets we’re craving.
The waitress is now dictating the menu to him and his date looks oddly unfazed?
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
"When I was 19 on my promotion tour, the locals introduced me to Japanese food and I was hooked." He clarified San Francisco locals.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
The woman looked away for a second and he said "look at me. Don't look there, look at me."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Oh. God.
He asked for deep fried shrimp heads. They don't have it.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Waitress: do you want a menu sir?
The man and I together: I don't look at menus
This could get Freudian. This really could. I’m also starting to suspect this guy just doesn’t know how to read.
Update: this is not a first date, but I am still positive this is a BAD date.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
She has a ring on but he doesn't but I want to tell her "marriage is just paper you can still leave him. I've seen it happen."
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Is this one of those hidden camera shows where they’re just trying to endure each other for cash? And can it get any worse?
Oh but he followed with "I don't care what people say. Words don't matter unless you give them power." I have some powerful words for him
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Yes, yes it can. This abomination really drives the point home.
The shell part!!!!!!
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Found out what he was promoting at 19. He's a DJ!
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
I don't think she voted for Trump but he is bragging about it between edamame shell chews
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
His "friend, a Jew" isn't allowed in his house unless he wears a hat
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Then, a bit of relief.
Oh thank GOD they are not married
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
But then it gets worse all over again.
She picked up chopsticks and he slapped them out of her "YOU DON'T EAT SUSHI WITH CHOP STICKS"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
And then he tortures the restaurant staff just as Fine orders dessert. From a menu, of course.
The sushi chef asked "are you a chef?" He replied "I'm a drunk!"
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Tony is telling the owner about all the great Japanese food he's eaten and the owner is humoring him like a champ
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Which actually makes sense because if you don't read menus, you don't order food. You demand it.
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
He is "introducing himself to a cigarette" outside so I'm going to leave. Thanks for tuning in! We made it!
— KFine (@KellyeFine) November 17, 2016
Tony’s shitty influence even made its way to Fine’s table, where she was presented with a renegade edamame fee. Perhaps that was the price she had to pay for watching one of the worst dates in history?
Surely, mansplainer Tony could regale Fine with tales of urban Japan’s table charge, where you pay for where you’re sitting in a crowded restaurant but are usually presented with some bread or an amuse bouche.
Except Tony’s got a whole lot wrong when it comes to his fascination with Japanese culture and cuisine. Like that edamame thing, which brings us back to the start of this terrible saga. Don’t let your date tear you down like Tony grinding his teeth into the leathery skin of a soybean pod.