Menus are for suckers.
Sushi restaurants are some of the best places to peep the worst in dating experiences. Be it at the bar watching a chef prepare nigiri or watching the fireworks unfold at a table, there’s just something about raw fish, rice, and seaweed that turns romance sweet, then sour.
Well, sometimes it’s all just shit, as you can see from Kelly Fine‘s captivating livetweeting of a terrible date gone even worse. Could Fine have been privy to one of the most garbage nights out in history?
Fine seriously sets the scene with this menu-averse douche barking wrong orders to the wait staff.
And having a hard time understanding that sake is rice wine and it can be pretty damn dry. Sweetie, you may want to shell out for a sake flight sometime and educate yourself.
What is with this dude’s obsession with giant clam, though? Freud would have a whole lot to say about that. Fine keeps it real and gives us the fly-on-the-wall tweets we’re craving.
This could get Freudian. This really could. I’m also starting to suspect this guy just doesn’t know how to read.
Is this one of those hidden camera shows where they’re just trying to endure each other for cash? And can it get any worse?
Yes, yes it can. This abomination really drives the point home.
Then, a bit of relief.
But then it gets worse all over again.
And then he tortures the restaurant staff just as Fine orders dessert. From a menu, of course.
Tony’s shitty influence even made its way to Fine’s table, where she was presented with a renegade edamame fee. Perhaps that was the price she had to pay for watching one of the worst dates in history?
Surely, mansplainer Tony could regale Fine with tales of urban Japan’s table charge, where you pay for where you’re sitting in a crowded restaurant but are usually presented with some bread or an amuse bouche.
Except Tony’s got a whole lot wrong when it comes to his fascination with Japanese culture and cuisine. Like that edamame thing, which brings us back to the start of this terrible saga. Don’t let your date tear you down like Tony grinding his teeth into the leathery skin of a soybean pod.
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