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Hands-free technology has reached a whole new level.
A Chinese hospital is reportedly employing the use of high-tech machines to ease the process for sperm donors and infertility patients. The machines made headlines for obvious reasons back in 2012 when they were originally developed. The internet has changed a lot since then.
Pictures of the “sperm extractor”—a white and grey machine complete with a small, rhythmically thrusting attachment—showed back up online this week and quickly went viral. People don’t know how to feel about a machine specially made to jerk men off, but they have plenty to say about it.
A Chinese company says its automatic sperm extractor is helping clinics collect semen from donors reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting. pic.twitter.com/zBqf4wWVQi— AngryMan (@AngryManTV) April 5, 2019
The machine is reportedly intended to ease the process for men who struggle to retrieve sperm through traditional methods. It resembles a much more advanced version of the semen extraction tools often used on cattle and stallions, but minus the handlers. It even comes equipped with a small screen, where patients can view erotic images to help the process along.
The speed, height, temperature, and frequency can all be adjusted to suit each patient. Predictably, people online had sperm extraction jokes, um, locked and loaded.
“Mississippi man gets married to a robotic sperm extractor” https://t.co/F6QtqiXqx1— Andrew Brooks (@andrewIbrooks) April 10, 2019
uh i’m sorry but sperm extractor was my nickname in high school is someone paying me royalties https://t.co/oBYBp936NP— Crystal (@crystalsug) April 10, 2019
No shit I was called a sperm extractor on XBox live once https://t.co/ipDGPM3jBj— 21Saddest (@KyleisSorry) April 9, 2019
“And when you’re a star, you can do it... Grab ‘em right by the [Automatic Sperm Extractor]!” pic.twitter.com/YmOtK3vukG— J Pom (@hallelujahhorse) April 9, 2019
“Automatic sperm extractor” is my new tinder bio— Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) April 9, 2019
Fun nicknames for your SO: automatic sperm extractor— claud_irl (@claud_irl) April 9, 2019
THIS JUST IN: China's GDP rises sharply as worldwide demand for sperm extractor explodes.— Reno (@RenoLantana) April 9, 2019
Some people had some very valid concerns, like how the machine gets cleaned between donors.
Does the sucker get changed between donors? I'll bet not... How do they keep them sterile? #spermextractor— RonnyB (@MsRonnyB) April 9, 2019
SW-3701 Trolley Type Sperm Collector
Worst job in the world winner - clean said sperm extractor robot after robotic blow job.— Diffpoint (@DiffPoint_view) April 9, 2019
women and girls can’t have free sanitary products but men can get pulled off in public? foh. https://t.co/X2UCxURCXk— Mrs GIFLord DanielléDASH (@DanielleDASH) April 9, 2019
The machines debuted Zhengzhou Central Hospital in China back in 2012. They made their Twitter meme debut on Monday.
Nahila Bonfiglio reports on geek culture and gaming. Her work has also appeared on KUT's Texas Standard (Austin), KPAC-FM (San Antonio), and the Daily Texan.