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So not hot.

By the end of the month, a winner will be crowned for the worst sex writing of the year as part of Literary Review‘s Bad Sex in Fiction Award.

The best of the worst NSFW writing award has been going strong for nearly two and a half decades. Of course, there’s been plenty of not-hot erotica hidden in the pages of lauded works of fiction long before that. Literary Review just had the balls to call it out.

The U.K. literary journal and book-focused magazine has been celebrating some of #badsex’s greatest hits on Twitter and, oh man, is it boner-killing.

This year’s spread of nominations in the unsexy smut smorgasboard include…

A Doubter’s Almanac by Ethan Canin

Men Like Air by Tom Connolly

The Day Before Happiness by Erri De Luca

The Butcher’s Hook by Janet Ellis

Leave Me by Gayle Forman

The Tobacconist by Robert Seethaler

A special shoutout goes to Jonathan Safran Foer, who apparently really has a thing for mountains. His latest recycled paper bag of a book, Here I Am, includes this asphyxiating abomination:

Also frequently nominated was president-elect Donald Trump’s Access Hollywood tape, which was merely disqualified for being a real live thing that someone thought was a good idea to say. Out loud.

Anyway, good luck having sex ever again now that an author has equated fingering to a busted bucket of grain!

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