dating expert shows how to approach group of girls

@defundsimping/TikTok Ground Picture/ShutterStock (Licensed)

‘Okay but you gotta be attractive to do this’: Viewers divided after dating expert shows how to approach a group of women at a bar

'Solid approach, risky ending.'


Jack Alban


Posted on Nov 27, 2023   Updated on Nov 27, 2023, 2:38 pm CST

A dating expert who urges men to put the kibosh on “simping” posted a viral TikTok that’s accrued over 3.4 million views. In his clip, he instructs me on how to approach a group of girls in the hopes of capturing the attention of one particular woman in the group.

The man, who goes by @defundsimping on TikTok, says that if a woman you’re attracted to is out with a group of her friends, singling her out and ignoring her pals is probably the wrong way to go. Instead, he says, the primary goal is to get everyone in the group to like you so that when you do make your “ask”—i.e. inquiring as to whether or not the woman in question is single—that her friends will ultimately help you out with your mission to take her out.

However, there were some commenters who argued that the only reason this dude’s approach works is because he’s tall, handsome, and has a full head of curly hair, but there were also others who thought that his suggestions were worth listening to.

“So when you’re approaching a group of girls there’s one thing you got to take note of: don’t single the one you want out,” he says in the clip.

“So instead of walking up to, I don’t know, this girl,” he says while pointing out a specific woman in the photograph he featured in his TikTok clip, “and saying, ‘Hey, what’s up.’ You are now isolating her from the group. And the whole point of approaching a group is trying to make the whole group like you. Now, can you just single out a girl if you want to? Hell yeah. But it’s always best to approach the whole group. Now let’s walk through the script.”

The dating expert then begins to delineate what the breakdown of the conversation is going to be like:

“I’ll usually say, ‘Hey, you guys having a good night so far?’ That’s my usual go-to, and it works. Now, usually the not-so-attractive one is the one that’s gonna lead the interaction with you,” he claims. “‘Cause the bad b*tch is usually gonna stay quiet. Which is the one you want. Now, the girl that’s not the most attractive will say, ‘Our night’s good, how is yours?’ Then I’ll say something along the lines of, ‘Oh you know, just crashing a ladies’ night.’ Usually that gets them all to laugh.”

The TikToker then says he asks about the particular bar they’re in. “Is this bar your favorite to go to?” he’ll ask.

@defundsimping says the women usually say no. So he offers a follow-up question: “Which bar is your favorite to go to?”

“Then they start naming places,” he says. “This girl will say one bar, and then this girl will say another bar, then you guys start vibing and talking about different locations you guys like to both go to. Then you cut to the chase.”

The TikToker says this is when he comes clean about his intentions to the group. “I usually say something like this: ‘OK, do you guys know why I came over here?'” he says. “And they’ll be like, ‘No why’d you come over here?’ I’ll say, ‘Is she single?'”

@defundsimping claims that “every single time” he’s done this, the group of women will then throw him at their friend and leave them alone.

“That’s because if you can get the group to like you, they will put you in front of their top girl, every time,” he argues. “Especially if they know you’re her type.”

Commenters had a lot to say about @defundsimping’s approach to picking up someone they found attractive in a bar from a group of their friends. One person jokingly shared their method to captivating the attention of women they found intriguing: “I usually say ‘what’s up ladies’ in a scandinavian accent.”

Another quipped, “Tried this, court date on the 13th next month.”

Someone else remarked, “Tried this. Tasered, pepper sprayed and a night in county jail.”

But there were other folks who said that this type of approach would work but only if you’re a good-looking individual.

“First step: be 6’5 with abs,” one person said.

Another commented, “Okay but you gotta be attractive to do this.”

One person said that the group approach works for them quite well: “I usually talk to the group then leave, most of the time later in the night they approach me, I usually take the whole group home.”

@defundsimping #greenscreen how to approach a group of girls #bargame #clubgame #approaching ♬ original sound – Defundsimping

Another person introduced outliers not mentioned in @defundsimping’s video, and different ways to deal with these unexpected developments. “If one of their boyfriends shows up you either gotta befriend him or abandon ship lol,” they suggested.

There was another TikToker who said that @defundsimping’s “game” is really just that he’s good-looking. “Bro they don’t laugh bc that goofy line is funny they laugh bc ur cute stop putting ppl on bunk game,” they wrote.

When it comes to the dating market in the United States, there’s a lot of money to be had, meaning that there’s plenty of room for experts to share, and potentially charge for their advice on what it takes to attract a potential significant other. Grand View Research writes that the global dating market is valued at a staggering $9.65 billion, meaning that there are a lot of folks out there who are willing to spend their hard-earned money for a shot at love.

And if there are people willing to pay for dating advice, that means there are definitely folks who are going to look for advice from experts online to help them with their matchmaking woes. Judging from the comments in response to @defundsimping’s clip, however, it seems like the success of some approaches may depend on the individual who is using them.

The Daily Dot has reached out to @defundsimping via TikTok comment for further information.

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*First Published: Nov 27, 2023, 3:00 pm CST