Redditors probably all know the term IAmA—short for “I am a,” referencing the fact that someone has a particular trait he or she is willing to talk about. And most are familiar with r/explainlikeimfive—where redditors simplify tough concepts into words that even a five-year-old could understand. But rarely do those two features of Reddit meet—except in a tiny, forgotten, ridiculous subreddit called r/explainlikeIAmA.
The concept is simple—instead of asking for explanations for a theoretical five year old, redditors ask for explanations on behalf of all sorts of characters. For example, “Explain to me Jersey Shore like I’m an Amish,” or “Explain Game of Thrones like I Am Your Incredibly Attractive, Married Neighbor,” or “Please explain the American entry into World War Two like I am a overly enthusiastic high school cheer leader.”
Alas, r/explainlikeIAmA seems to already be be abandoned—it was created in January, but no one’s submitted a new thread since May. Still, the page, and its 18 ridiculous threads, are still visible for the curious. Our six favorites:
Hey…. snort… i know you. Yeah, awesome party doood. I came for the ladies, been looking at that hot chick in the corner for a few year… minutes.. Ehem.. So how about that bill, yeah, that one called SOPA. It uhmm… eyes your girlfriends ass… Is like some sort of anti-piracy act right? Yeah.. yeah its right… spills beer on carpet.. shit sorry man.. Anyway its a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Doesn’t do anything but keep me from downloading all the free por- .. music i want! Ooh, look at that bangin chick over there. I’m gonna go make her bed rock.
2) Please explain the main goals of the Occupy Wall Street movement as if I were a 1950’s House Wife.
Well, those bankers on Wall Street have been trying their darnedest to make money so that they can buy their wives nice things, like fur coats and diamond rings. So far so good, right Jane? Well, the thing is they wanted to make money so badly they’ve lost their Christian values. They’ve turned into cheats. They have too much influence in Congress (those crooks!) and keep the government from cleaning up their acts. They’ve become more like hustlers than respectable business men. Now a bunch of young up-starts have gotten it into their heads to speak out against these men. But they’re not hooligans, they just want to see the acts of the business men cleaned up. They’re trying to protect the American dream for the middle class, people like us Jane. I think there’s an article in this week’s Life magazine. I’ll pick one up for you on my way back from the office this evening, all right honey? It’ll make it all make sense. Now don’t worry too much about what’s going on out in the world dear, it’ll all be fine in here as long as I’m around.
3) Can someone please explain the OPERA neutrino anomaly to me as if I was from the Middle Ages?
Of Einstein of Ulm a story you would hear
Therefore observe and to my tale give ear
Of space and time he was lord and governor,
And in his years was such a conjuror,
That greater was there not beneath the sun.
Full many mysteries he had overcome
[Ok, we’re not going to reprint the whole thing in its entirety, but redditor explains_as_chaucer wrote an 1,800-word Canterbury Tales-style poem to answer. You can read the whole thing here.]
4) Explain Current Canadian Politics to Me Like IAmA 12 Year Old Playing COD Online
Look noob, broad fucking overview, Candian faggots are fucking OWNED by this Monarchy bullshit hackers. But that shit doesn’t matter ebcause I fucked your mum and it’s a democratic cuntry AHAHAHA CUNT. Anyway those dicks get 0wned by a group of parliment whores with a prime minister cheating his way to the top of the scoreboard. Theres minor and major and regional shit going on but everyone except n00bs know that Famas is the only important thing.
Canada has a bunch of retarded high-ping noobs who can’t host for shit because they came from france. The French turds are mainly on the east so they should STOP JOINING FUCKING WEST SERVERS AND LAGGING ME AND RUINING MY K/D!!!!11 Shit fucking TENSE in a canadian cocksucking kind of way between snailfuckers and non-snailmunchers but they deal with that shit because candians are god damn pussies.
Their military isn’t complete fucking shit but they haven’t unlocked the top level guns so I sitll ownz them. They share the largest undefended border with USA which they stay away from cause we would tots 360-noscope their asses.
5) Explain the fall of the Roman Republic to me LikeIAmA Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
So, dude back in the olden days, waaaay before pizza (Real pizza anyway). The romans were all republic and stuff, but by like, 130bc or something it wasn’t going so well. There was a wicked load of instability going on, the class differences were like, causes some major gnarly strife man. Not to mention the those military victorys were done and gone leaving romans with waay to much tax, man, and not enough slaves coming in! THis was furthur pushed to the Limit by that Spartacus dude doing his Revolution thing and marching round Italy Tearing it up! Then there were some rebels and stuuuff and a Shredder-Load of violance dude! THen along came this pretty cool Julius Caeser dude and he totally shook things up! After that dude did his thing, that was pretty much it for those republicans.
6) Explain chutes and ladders LikeIAm Hitler
[Redditor antaryon types out the standard German-language instructions for how to play Chutes and Ladders.]
Photo via Reddit