It’s the Fourth of July, and I know what you’re wondering: Where can I find the most badass patriotic clothes to wear to my friend’s BBQ cookout? What outfit will make my friends drool with envy as I stuff my face with hot dogs? What threads will make my friends scream, “Fuck yeah, America!” every time I walk into a room?
Well, look no further.
The Mountain, a wholesale clothing retailer who you may know from the infamous Three Wolf Moon shirt, has the best patriotic T-shirts on the internet. You only THOUGHT you were an American before seeing these—but your game is weak.
We’ll start off with this kitten wrapped in an American flag. It’s cute. It’s patriotic. It’s a safe bet for your Fourth of July needs. Your friends will “awwwww” and maybe high-five you.
But that kitten is child’s play compared to what else The Mountain has in store for you. How about … stay with me here … President Barack Obama, riding a lion, holding a crossbow and a laser sword. IT EXISTS. And it can be yours.
But WAIT, it gets better. This is the be-all, end-all of patriotic T-shirts. Your friends will fall to their knees in awe at every Fourth of July party you walk into.
Here it is: Abraham Lincoln (“The Emancipator” himself) riding a bear and wielding a semiautomatic rifle, Emancipation Proclamation in hand. You’re welcome, ‘Merica.
Unfortunately, the shirts aren’t available on Amazon Prime, so you can’t have them on your bod in time for today’s festivities. But let’s be real, Ronald Reagan riding a velociraptor is a perfect addition to your closet any time of year.