- In Netflix’s ‘Upstarts,’ Silicon Valley CEOs are the good guys 3 Years Ago
- This video of a tree struck by lightning is… relatable? 3 Years Ago
- How to watch ‘Keeping Faith’ Today 3:37 PM
- ‘South Park’ at the center of $500 million streaming war Today 3:16 PM
- Pizza Hut and Papa John’s employees pranked into talking to each other on the phone Today 2:34 PM
- Twitter bullies brought Jordan Peterson to tears Today 2:24 PM
- 25 last-minute Halloween costumes for those with no time to shop Today 1:30 PM
- Krassensteins return to Twitter and are immediately suspended Today 1:01 PM
- Tom Brady insists he didn’t parody Robert Kraft in ‘Living with Yourself’ cameo Today 12:52 PM
- Black security guard fired for telling student not to call him the N-word Today 12:38 PM
- How Watchmen’s Bass Reeves cameo ties into the original comic Today 12:34 PM
- Todrick Hall’s former assistant blasts him for abuse, non-payment, dissing Taylor Swift Today 12:32 PM
- Maggie Rogers calls out catcaller at Austin concert Today 12:12 PM
- Netflix’s ‘Unnatural Selection’ breaks down the pros and cons of biohacking Today 11:52 AM
- Did Trump flip off astronauts from the all-women spacewalk? Today 11:45 AM
As you might expect, she’s also a master knitter herself, which (partly) explains the strangest item for sale on her page: a made-to-order knit tinfoil hat priced at $200.
Made from nothing other than “aluminum foil and extreme patience,” this is the ideal accessory for anyone convinced that the NSA is reading their thoughts but appalled by the slapdash look of most brainwave-shielding headwear. Of course, no description of mine could match S. Kate’s, which I’ll paste here in full for your edification:
Hat shown is a display prototype. (And for my own personal “protection.”)
$200 is a DEPOSIT for me to start working on your very own aluminum foil hat similar in size and style to my prototype. Final price may be higher than deposit and will be determined by dimensions, amount of “yarn” used and any added and discussed design elements.
(The most time consuming part of making this hat is prepping the foil to be knit – it takes me about 1 hour of cutting, folding and crimping just to make each 10 yards of “yarn”)
If interested, please contact me *before* you purchase to discuss your design “vision,” a delivery date and shipping options. I can’t read your mind. “They” can, however, so that is why you need this hat. Allow 3-4 weeks for delivery so continue to wear the hat you have until this one arrives.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD KNIT WITH ALUMINUM FOIL? GO AHEAD. TRY IT. I’D LOVE TO KNOW I’M NOT THE ONLY ALIEN IN THIS UNIVERSE. ARE THEY HERE YET? YOU CAN’T SEE THEM BUT THEY CAN HEAR YOU THINK. IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD A STYLISH HAT LIKE THIS AT LEAST COVER YOUR HEAD WITH AN EMPTY FOIL POTATO CHIP BAG. SAVE YOURSELVES.
I’ll admit it: I don’t think I could knit with aluminum foil. So I’m eternally grateful to S. Kate for making this item available to paranoiacs and electromagnetic hypersensitivity patients alike. She’s done the satellite-and-Wi-Fi-fearing population a great service.
Unfortunately, S. Kate did not return the Daily Dot’s request for comment—we’re assuming her hat blocked our email—but get your order in soon. It’s only a matter of time before the government wipes Etsy’s servers to kill this stylish weapon in the war against surveillance.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'