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Everyone’s clowning on Mark Zuckerberg’s Cambridge Analytica statement
Anthony Quintano/Flickr (CC-BY)
Zuckerberg says Facebook will protect our data. The internet says ‘lol, sure.’
Five days after Facebook cut off Cambridge Analytica, the firm that allegedly used Facebook data to help Donald Trump win the presidency, CEO Mark Zuckerberg has finally spoken out about the data breach. For many, Facebook’s failure to protect 50 million people’s personal data from misuse by third parties was an egregious breach of trust. Zuck’s apology was too little, too late, and he’s being thoroughly roasted over it on Twitter.
Here’s the key paragraph from Zuckerberg’s statement, posted Wednesday on Facebook:
We have a responsibility to protect your data, and if we can’t then we don’t deserve to serve you. I’ve been working to understand exactly what happened and how to make sure this doesn’t happen again. The good news is that the most important actions to prevent this from happening again today we have already taken years ago. But we also made mistakes, there’s more to do, and we need to step up and do it.
Here’s some of the brutal, clever mockery he’s facing in response to his “we won’t do it again” platitudes:
strong Zuckerberg statement pic.twitter.com/cOIrg7m6GG
— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) March 21, 2018
statement from Zuckerberg: pic.twitter.com/wIBtZVShWR
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) March 21, 2018
Shout out to everyone liking Zuck's FB post and thanking him in the comments, he needed your support in this difficult time
— Alex Konrad (@alexrkonrad) March 21, 2018
Pictured: two things that are toast pic.twitter.com/nwPJgBvqm7
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 21, 2018
I have repurposed
that were in
your personal profile
you were probably
they were politically useful
and [WHICH WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS POEM ARE YOU?? TAKE OUR QUIZ CLICK HERE]
—Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook
— Jason Markusoff (@markusoff) March 21, 2018
Thank god, Zuckerberg has finally addressed the data breach: pic.twitter.com/ZPotYaL5Vk
— pixelated boat [ASMR] binaural ~4 hours~ (@pixelatedboat) March 21, 2018
Mark Zuckerberg swaddling my data like a newborn babe. "I'll never tell anyone your father likes eggs and Sprite." Devilish wings pierce through the back of his hoodie, a children's choir is chanting backwards. "OR WILL I"
— vineyille (@vineyille) March 21, 2018
If you don't want to read the whole Zuckerberg statement, here's a brief summary: pic.twitter.com/KZqY8MaCxR
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) March 21, 2018
Zuckerberg must be so mad that Cambridge Analytica and the Mercers used Facebook’s deliberately baked-in privacy violations to elect Trump President before he could used Facebook’s deliberately baked-in privacy violations to elect himself President.
— Catherynne Valente (@catvalente) March 21, 2018
hm try again pic.twitter.com/OOug2us0XZ
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) March 21, 2018
“guys did you delete all that data when we changed the rules”
“uh, yeah, sure”
“hey mark all clear here" pic.twitter.com/B2KDAKvF6z
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) March 21, 2018
Some have also pointed out that Zuck’s statement didn’t include the words “sorry” or “apology,” which is galling to those whose data Cambridge Analytica collected and apparently still holds.
Zuckerberg will go on CNN Wednesday night to further explain how Facebook plans to handle data protection going forward, starting with an audit of any “suspicious” third-party apps that collected “large amounts of data” before Facebook tightened up its rules in 2014.
It’s a rough week for Zuck—and an even rougher one for his potential run for president.
Jay Hathaway is a former senior writer who specialized in internet memes and weird online culture. He previously served as the Daily Dot’s news editor, was a staff writer at Gawker, and edited the classic websites Urlesque and Download Squad. His work has also appeared on nymag.com, suicidegirls.com, and the Morning News.