If you’re on Facebook, chances are you’ve seen a bunch of fake concert popping up on your feed. This latest meme in event-trolling began with Limp Bizkit supposedly playing a gas station in Dayton this past 4/20, and has totally gotten out of hand since then. I even found myself becoming a part of the problem, clicking the “Interested” button for all of these events, to the point to where my friends also joined in on the fun and even assumed I was the one creating them. I wish.
Anyway, because I’m a dedicated journalist doing the work that nobody else wants to do (read: I hate myself), I ranked these bogus shows from worst to best. The joke was good for a while, but ideally this will be final the nail in the coffin for fake Facebook concert posts.
He’ll be performing to a backdrop of screengrabs taken during his #AskRKelly disaster of 2013. For every dollar donated to whatever charity organization Jamba Juice is partnered up with, a smoothie will be put to the side for someone to throw at the singer mid-set.
27) Bloodhound Gang live at Parkesburg Wawa
The concert won’t really be free. You’re going to be buying as many hoagies as you can to bribe them to play “The Bad Touch.”
[Placeholder for https://www.facebook.com/rocco.romeo.355/posts/10201295595249229 embed.]
Enya is a recluse, so the opportunity to see her anywhere in the United States is a privilege, but PetSmart? Chance of a lifetime. Ideally, her performance would end with “Only Time,” as well as begin with “Only Time” and only include “Only Time.” So, basically a whole not of “Only Time.” Jean-Claude Van Damme might even make it out, too.
The true key to happiness? Having David Draiman scream “OH, AH, AH, AH, AH” in your face while you’re purchasing the bare necessities at affordable prices. Plus, Bush.
23) Lil Wayne live at Rite Aid
The hope is that Tha Carter V will be out by then, but an open sizzurp bar is just asking for trouble. Also, be ready to go through several performances by struggle rappers all booked for the show day-of.
“Summer Sixteen” and “Jumpman” would go hard as fuck as you’re chowing down on a Chicken Bellagio entree and sipping a glass of wine from a part of Australia you can’t pronounce. If you got a VIP ticket, save room for dessert: Drake will personally feed you a pie of your choice.
Smash Mouth doesn’t get any love these days, as if everyone’s forgotten at that they once loved (and probably still love) “All Star.” The first Shrek movie would’ve been a complete disaster without the band’s contribution. Whatever. Smash Mouth isn’t playing in a Dumpster because they’re trash, but because they’re fearless and always ready to push the envelope in regard to live performances. They’re the last living punk band, honestly.
Whoever booked Korn and LCD Soundsystem together deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. The former will reportedly perform on a stack of 30 mattresses outside Sleepy’s, with Jonathan Davis doing a front flip into a waterbed if the store makes over $500 dollars before the end of their show. The latter will be DJ’ing the collaborative EP they did with Korn, titled: Korn is Playing at My House.
President Barack Obama would totally end his presidency by partying with a bunch of weirdos in a defunct Williamsburg venue. There’ll be free PBR all night, with both Keegan Michael-Key and Larry Wilmore serving as hype men.