If someone is into you: They will make time. And if they can’t make time, then they’ll make up for it. That’s the golden rule when it comes to relationships; whether that relationship be a job, a friendship, or a romantic involvement. What a person dedicates their most valuable resource to speaks volumes as to what they care about.
Hinge user and TikToker Kerra (@kerramcd) highlighted how she came to the decision to ultimately call it quits with someone once they demonstrated that they didn’t really care too much about her time by using a recurring excuse that kept the two from spending time together.
She posted the video about her experience on Dec. 31, and it has since accumulated more than 3.2 million views. Several users on the platform said her dating story is rife with red flags, including promises of hanging out only to cancel closer to their agreed-upon meeting time, going hot and heavy a few months in, and then slowly phasing things out by using excuses that centered around “family drama.”
Kerra relays her tale by speaking directly into the camera: “Imagine this: You’re talking to a guy for about two months, things are going really well. He takes you on an awesome weekend getaway to a cozy cabin. It’s perfect. You’re like this could really, this could really go somewhere.”
After the idyllic weekend together, things took a turn. She says, “A couple weeks after the cabin, things are kind of like slowing down a little bit and you check in and you’re like is everything OK? He says yeah, explains what his family is dealing with, says this is why, I’m sorry. I say no problem. I can give you as much or as little space as needed.”
After telling the guy that she can pump the brakes on seeing him or hanging out, he assured her that this certainly wasn’t the case. “He says no, I appreciate you I want you like, I want to keep pursuing this essentially. So you give him his space, you haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks, make plans to see each other today. This morning you talk to him, he tells me what’s going on I say you have a lot going on do you wanna reschedule tonight, he says no I haven’t seen you in weeks, I wanna see you tonight. Say, OK, cause I would rather know now so I don’t waste my whole day, he says nope,” she says.
Kerra says as it neared their date time, she got a message from her date indicating that they aren’t going to get to hang. “So, you get ready, you take an everything shower, you get completely ready head to toe. 6pm he sends you a snap, drinking a beer saying it’s going to be a long night at the parents, rough night. You say so should I not have gotten ready to come over to your house? Mind you it’s an hour drive. He says probably not it’s been a rough night, whatever. OK, I actually asked you this morning to let me know if this was gonna happen and you said it wouldn’t and now it’s 6pm. He doesn’t reply,” she says.
While the man’s actions spoke louder than his words, his lack of a reply or explanation for not having the foresight to tell her not to get ready to come down to see him or that there’s a possibility they wouldn’t get to see each other that evening spoke volumes about his character to the TikToker, and she decided that she wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him, reading into what what appeared to be demonstrative signs that he wasn’t interested. “on to the next,” she says.
@kerramcd I hate dating 🙃 #hingedating #boyssuck ♬ original sound – Kerra
Numerous users left responses in the comments that seemed to confirm they all too familiar with the kind of man she was seeing. “oh girl…three month rule and a commitment first. He got what’s he wants with just chit chat and one weekend away,” one person wrote.
Someone else wrote that once they hear from the other person that they’re undergoing a challenging time in their lives that it’s a good signal for them to cease all communications and time spent with that person. “As soon they say ‘they’re going through something’ it’s probably time to dip out,” wrote the user.
And then there were folks who speculated as to what the man’s current relationship situation was, and whether that he was on a “break” with one person and was only seeing Kerra as a back-up plan. “He’s married or is a serious love in relationship. When you met him they were on a break. They reconciled. He doesn’t want to cut ties completely bc he doesn’t know if it will work out 100%,” one TikToker wrote.
Someone else thought it was a classic case of just hitting it off with a different person. “He met another woman,” they wrote.
One user wrote that trusting your instincts and taking the writings on the wall for what they are is probably the best course of action when dating. “My 20s were for learning that as soon as you have to send that ‘is everything ok?’ text, it’s over. It’s not all in your head,” they wrote.
And then there were people who couldn’t believe that the guy was messaging her via Shapchat instead of using a method of communication that involved his phone number. “when he SNAPPED you.. instead of a phone call…um..IMMEDIATELY no!” one person wrote.
Another echoed the sentiment, stating, “He snapchats ??? Run screaming.”
Like many TikTokers mentioned in response to Kerra’s video, folks will often cite personal/family drama as a means of “quiet quitting” a relationship. In fact, people who’ve used this excuse in online relationship forums have been called out by others, like in this Quora post. “You should of explained your problem with your boyfriend instead of pushing him away not letting him know what is going on,” one user wrote.
The Daily Dot has reached out to Hinge via email and Kerra via TikTok comment for further information.