Help the poor millionaires

Everyone talks about how the world caters to the rich. But online, there are not so many choices for Americans of wealth.

Mar 3, 2020, 11:10 am*

Tech

Lauren Rae Orsini 

Lauren Rae Orsini

Won’t somebody think of the millionaires?

Occupy Wall Street protesters claim that they’re left high and dry while the wealthiest one percent get everything. Clearly, these people have not been online lately: the rich only have a handful of websites that cater specifically to their needs.

When it comes to social networks, it’s the rich that lack options. One of their meager choices is Affluence, a social network that requires users to have a minimum annual income of $200,000.

“We think of Affluence as a digital country club,” the sites founders say of their site.

Come to think of it, there is a severe lack of golf discussions on Twitter.

If you’re the billionaire playboy type—and don’t mind mingling with the riff-raff—there’s always the World’s Most Exclusive Website, which requires a verified Twitter account. If you’re affluent enough, surely that won’t be a problem.

The wealthy are once again underrepresented at shopping sites. Nobody wants to buy or sell a Ferrari on free-for-all marketplaces where those poor people sell their used furniture. Fortunately, there’s Jameslist, a highbrow shopping site where the rich can buy and sell cars, jets, yachts and timeshares unfettered by those pesky commoners.

“We screen each dealer and listing to ensure they are ‘James’ enough,” the site’s about page says.

What a relief!

For the rich, single and looking, there are several sites from which to choose. There’s Millionaire Match, where the rich can find their own. While the site is free to join, it assures users that they’ll find over a million other millionaires to meet up with.

Millionaire’s Club takes it the next step  up and ensures exclusivity with a $25,000 annual price tag. And that’s just for starters. For $50,000 one can gain platinum membership, practically ensuring no untoward contact with the poor.

For those sugar mamas and sugar daddies seeking for a trophy partner, Seeking Arrangement will match you with a hot, young sugar babe of your dreams.

However, this is still a sad area of underepresentation. According to the Huffington Post, the wealthy are hornier than their poorer counterparts, spending much more time on adult websites.

If the Internet wants to truly become a representative democracy, somebody better build an exclusive porn site for the wealthy. Or maybe when it comes to porn, the wealthy don’t mind a little mixing with the unwashed masses—as long as there’s no touching.

Or maybe they already have, and we mere plebeians just don’t know about it.

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*First Published: Oct 12, 2011, 12:27 pm