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1) Jack Black: Would you?
Threads, Meta’s microblogging service, is gaining traction with journalists and politicos as the best replacement for news and discourse to X.
And in a week that saw a bridge collapse in Baltimore, an Israeli air strike on aid workers, and Trump reviving his “bloodbath” comments, a more important matter captivated the site.
Do women really want to get with Jack Black?
Yes, the star of School of Rock, Kung Fu Panda, and other movies that came out before the term online discourse even existed is somehow the obsession of that influential milieu.
Would you? Or are you just saying you would?
The debate stemmed from a screenshot of a tweet decrying the claim that women only wanted tall men with chiseled abs.
“every woman I know: I would spit in my grandmother’s eye for the opportunity to hand-feed Jack Black a single grape,” read the image.
“Truer words have never been spoken,” replied one user.
One brave reply guy, though, begged to differ. He wouldn’t, and wanted women to know they wouldn’t, either.
“Jack Black. also happens to be wealthy, extremely successful, has status and a net with of 50 million. which is why they would,” wrote @manny3reel. “It’s easy to get any woman when you have a name, status and success. All things thing take a man a lifetime to achieve. So this is very deceptive comment. You are telling men that look like Jack black need to be Wealthy and have status before they are considered.”
Women, though, almost in concert, disagreed.
‘No dumb dumb Jack BLlack [sic] is funny, confident, doesn’t give two shits what other people think of him, is kind towards women, is ALWAYS respectful to women.. His mom worked on the Apollo space mission and was a strong influence on him. There’s a reason we women love him, and it has ZERO to do with his wealth … Don’t mansplain to women why we love Jack Black” replied the original poster.
The battle lines were drawn. Women agreed they would with Jack Black, while men on the site wanted them to know… they wouldn’t.
“Some men have no fucking idea what women want in a man. and it shows,” wrote one.
“He has high social status and wealth. Absolutely women are attracted to social status and wealth, innumerable studies have shown this. It’s not to say women will never date below them in status/wealth but it’s rare unless the guy is tall and gorgeous, or occasionally, super hilarious or super awesome social skills,” replied a dude.
“No. No. No. You’re not listening and you’re not hearing and you’re not understanding. It’s not his wealth or success. It’s his kindness and his goofiness and his being fun and the way that he SEES people and LIKES people. Try actually liking women. Listening. Caring. Liking. Give it a chance,” came an objection.
Suddenly, the social network was nothing but Jack Black, as people struggled to grasp what was going out.
“Why is everyone talking about Jack Black?” was a common refrain.
But Manny, for his part, has seemed to move on from the discourse, tackling more pressing topics in the replies of other posters.
“The system was made for the time it was created it needs to be updated no more alimony or child support for women.” he wrote in response to a post about… mood swings.
2) Aryan Alexander
While former president Donald Trump no doubt has supporters across races and genders, there’s no denying his base is made up of white Americans. He’s courted them, pandered to them, and counted on them to propel him to victory.
Which made the case of one of his most prominent supporters extremely curious. Ali Alexander was an influential pro-Trump voice whose “Stop the Steal” plotting after the 2020 election culminated in the Jan. 6 protest that eventually turned into the Capitol riot.
Throughout his rise, people wondered why a man of Muslim descent would so strenuously support someone who made anti-Islamic rhetoric a prominent feature of his campaign and presidency.
Well, according to Alexander on Telegram this week, it’s not an issue at all.
That’s because you see… he’s actually Aryan. You know, that blond-hair, blue-eyed race adored by the Nazis.
“Turns out that I’m Proto-Indo-European,” Alexander wrote. “Yes, I’m Aryan. My [Y Chromosome] / Arab side are a minority bloodline that returned to the Middle East after thousands of years settling Europe. Related to a majority of Russians and plurality of Ukrainians. Ottomon rulers are my family. Tesla and I share an ancestor.”
Alexander then delves into some prophecy that would put George R. R. Martin to shame.
“ENTJ + R1a + eldest son, how could January 6th not happen?!”
Parse that as you will (I’m no psychologist or genealogist), but there’s no denying Jan. 6 was more captivating than The Bells.
Commenters, though, didn’t quite agree.
“Dude, you have a nearly prototypical Semitic face … Nothing wrong with it – but you don’t need to be ashamed of it.”
3) Biden bridge
In the wake of the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020, cities and governments took down statues and renamed buildings, attempting to remove Confederate hagiography from the country’s public spaces.
That effort stoked backlash, as those on the right felt there was no stopping out-of-control liberals from tearing down the Washington Monument or renaming Pennsylvania.
And as outrage has grown—culminating in a furious fight over a Confederate memorial at Arlington National Cemetery—has the government decided it needs to act in secret?
The National Anthem is oft-criticized for racist lyrics. And since it likely won’t ever be replaced, how could the left strike back? By destroying a bridge named after its composer.
On Gettr, one poster wondered if Biden just so happened to have the Francis Scott Key bridge sunk so that he could rename it without anyone catching wind.
“People … Fixing the bridge will give our left-wing federal government the opportunity to change the name based on the present one being tied to alleged racism. Marxist Joe must go,”
One might hope Biden would have something—anything—better to do than conspire to demolish a bridge, cripple one of the nation’s biggest ports, make it national news, and then hope no one would notice that the new structure got a different name after it was rebuilt.
But maybe not.
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