Creepy new ‘smart bed’ will know everything about how you sleep

I’m no technophobe, but I can’t say I ever dreamed of a future where mattresses are computerized. Nevertheless, our march toward the “Internet of Things”—that world in which household fixtures will all be connected in a network of digital convenience (and vulnerabilities)—continues with the game-changing “Smart Interactive Bed” from Balluga.

You may be impressed by the short animation below, or like me, you might recoil at the dead-eyed blinking of a female figure straight out of the uncanny valley. Though some features (climate control!) sound appealing, the ambient light show is like a scene from Poltergeist, while the security function calls to mind a fallout shelter or some sleek, totalitarian dystopia.    

As always, the bed manufacturers leave out what we really want to know: If the Balluga “monitors and controls every aspect of your sleep experience,” which is unsettling enough, then what’s it like to have sex on this thing? Because I didn’t sign up for a threesome with a robot.

Photo via Balluga/YouTube

Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'