Here's the NSFW toaster on Amazon you've all been waiting for

l4tCuM7.jpg (1024×512)
The novelty toaster company Burnt Impressions heard someone’s clarion call for more vulvar imagery in our foodstuffs.

The novelty toaster company Burnt Impressions heard someone’s clarion call for more vulvar imagery in our foodstuffs, so it responded in kind by creating a toaster that brands a ladyflower into your morning breakfast. Rise and shine!

Meet the Vagina Toaster. NSFB (not safe for breakfast). 


Available for $34.95 on—not an unreasonable price!—this two-slice novelty toaster comes in five colors: green, yellow, blue, light blue, and red. It includes the same features as your standard, non-vagina toaster, such as thawing and reheating functions. (This feels like the setup for a joke so disgusting that I’m mad at the Vagina Toaster people for making me think of it.) 

The Vagina Toaster’s main flaw, from what I can tell, is the quality of the image itself, which leaves a bit to be desired. It looks less like a rendering of the female anatomy, and more like a fourth-grader’s drawing of an elf ear. But the majority of the criticism in the product-review section comes from people griping about false advertising. The image on the toaster technically depicts a vulva, not a vagina.

And don’t worry, equal opportunity novelty toaster advocates: there’s a penis version for sale as well. 

H/T The Frisky | Photo via Burnt Impressions/Amazon

If you love the female anatomy, this should be your new trackpad
Warning: This article contains sexually explicit material. Do you have an Apple laptop? Do you have a minimum of $8? Do you love vaginas—like, really, really love vaginas, to the point where you’ve often found yourself working or checking email or surfing Reddit while wistfully thinking, “Man, I wish my computer looked more like a vagina?”
From Our VICE Partners

Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.

Thanks for subscribing to our newsletter!