The novelty toaster company Burnt Impressions heard someone’s clarion call for more vulvar imagery in our foodstuffs, so it responded in kind by creating a toaster that brands a ladyflower into your morning breakfast. Rise and shine!
Meet the Vagina Toaster. NSFB (not safe for breakfast).
Available for $34.95 on Amazon.com—not an unreasonable price!—this two-slice novelty toaster comes in five colors: green, yellow, blue, light blue, and red. It includes the same features as your standard, non-vagina toaster, such as thawing and reheating functions. (This feels like the setup for a joke so disgusting that I’m mad at the Vagina Toaster people for making me think of it.)
The Vagina Toaster’s main flaw, from what I can tell, is the quality of the image itself, which leaves a bit to be desired. It looks less like a rendering of the female anatomy, and more like a fourth-grader’s drawing of an elf ear. But the majority of the criticism in the product-review section comes from people griping about false advertising. The image on the toaster technically depicts a vulva, not a vagina.
And don’t worry, equal opportunity novelty toaster advocates: there’s a penis version for sale as well.