- Amanda Holden’s bad coronavirus advice sheds light on the struggle of being immunocompromised Friday 9:03 PM
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- People can’t stop touching their faces–and the CDC really wants them to Friday 7:31 PM
- A TikTok of a girl getting an abortion is going viral—and the internet is divided Friday 3:06 PM
- FCC proposes $200 million fine for T-Mobile, others over data sharing Friday 3:03 PM
- Which ‘Love is Blind’ couples are still together? Friday 2:01 PM
- Review: ‘The Invisible Man’ reboot is thrilling but basic Friday 1:25 PM
- Sex workers speak out after OnlyFans leak Friday 1:21 PM
- Normani addresses Camila Cabello’s racist social media posts Friday 1:07 PM
- Mike Huckabee’s defense of Trump’s coronavirus response will make you nauseous Friday 12:06 PM
- Gmail’s email filtering may affect what candidate emails you are seeing Friday 11:08 AM
- Woman shares aftermath of domestic abuse: ‘This is only to raise awareness’ Friday 10:40 AM
- Skai Jackson gets restraining order against Bhad Bhabie after death threat Friday 10:19 AM
- Taylor Swift shades Scooter Braun in ‘The Man’ video Friday 10:15 AM
Everyone has regrets, but choosing just one to remedy—and figuring out how—is trickier than it sounds. Consider what you’d tell yourself from five years ago if you had a 30-second phone call to impart some crucial wisdom.
That was the big hypothetical posed to r/AskReddit this week, and while the answers range from the obvious (winning lottery numbers) to the heartbreaking (spend more time with a loved one who will soon pass away), some strategies for self-improvement were rather surprising.
Take Live_Lucky, who learned about the true cost of late-night tacos:
Don’t drive home. Stay where you are. The tacos aren’t worth jail time, no license and $10,000 in fees/fines. Most expensive tacos ever.
GlutenFreetos would use the opportunity for an epic prank:
I would start breathing heavily, and creepily, then slowly say “Seven Days”
My past self would die and shit, it’d be great
As would Klogaroth:
“Whatever you do, don’t…”
Then hang up.
Meanwhile, awesomoben wants a better wedding experience:
Choose better best men – one won’t show up and the other will tell everyone about how you had to take an emergency shit behind a Co-op (UK supermarket) in his speech or have you as his best man a couple of years later:(
Chappy5001 had a very simple bit of advice:
Dont chug the milk on 9/21/16 @ 7:45am. Its spoiled.
Set up your god damn voicemail!
I won’t answer…. I never answer my phone. Especially from an unknown number. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
And NotCarlos is suffering from some present-day self-consciousness:
I’d probably waste 10 seconds awkwardly saying hello then another 10 seconds building up to saying bye.
Sometimes I hate being British.
Congrats to thestooshie for delivering the real talk:
Come out of the goddamn closet. You are SO GAY.
Seems like oishter just wants to impress their friends with TV predictions:
I’m the rare sort of person who LOVES spoilers, it never ruins experiences for me, so I’d just run through the major plot points of the next 5 seasons of all my favorite shows. And I’d tell myself not to watch the HIMYM finale.
Whereas Jatts_integrity wants to be a real hero:
On May 28, 2016 a kid is going to fall into the gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden.
And 19081624060216221807 definitely found a loophole:
“Alright, listen up you little shit. In five years, you will have 30 seconds to call yourself from five years ago. Think of something better than I did.”
So, what about you? Anything in the past you’d try to change? Apart from your Bitcoin investments, I mean.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'