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That’s going to be a really awkward first time. 

Hey, GOP legislators: Want proof that abstinence-only sex ed is a total failure? Look no further than these Yahoo Answers search results, where clueless teens and pre-teens are desperately asking their peers “how to grow a condom.”

Redditor DeLaMaterDog posted a screengrab of the Yahoo Answers thread yesterday in r/funny:


Via Imgur

Here are some of the original questions:


Screengrabs via Yahoo Answers

It’s impossible to say whether the queries were genuine, or the work of adolescent trolls (as someone who thought that boys used condoms as masturbatory aids and “hand job” was another word for “handshake” well into my early teens, I’m inclined to believe the former).

Unsurprisingly, however, most Yahoo Answers respondents viewed the question not as an opportunity for a teaching moment, but as a chance to try out their standup acts:


We’ll never know how these desperate young gentlemen eventually learned the truth about condoms (though we hope, for their sake and their partners’, that they found out prior to actually experiencing their first sexual encounters). Two things, however, are certain: 1) all sex ed teachers should address this question in advance by taking their classes on a field trip to the nearest drugstore, and 2) this:

H/T Reddit | Photo by robertelyov/Flickr (CC BY – 2.0)

EJ Dickson

EJ Dickson

EJ Dickson is a writer and editor who primarily covers sex, dating, and relationships, with a special focus on the intersection of intimacy and technology. She served as the Daily Dot’s IRL editor from January 2014 to July 2015. Her work has since appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mic, Bustle, Romper, and Men’s Health.