Since the Internet is currently being bombarded with Oscars coverage, now is a good time to remember that most of these award-winning actors will go on to make wildly terrible movies.
The @Shit_Pitches Twitter account is a perfect parody of Hollywood’s love for awful movie pitches. And we’re not talking Transformers-style bad, here. We’re talking about the kind of disasters that happen when a studio inexplicably greenlights the idea that Whoopi Goldberg should star in a buddy-cop movie alongside a guy in a dinosaur costume.
Sylvester Stallone is a retired construction worker who defends a theme park from terrorists who have weaponised feminism— Shit Pitches (@Shit_Pitches) February 28, 2016
Owen Wilson loses his family's entire fortune by betting on a boxer who defies the laws of gravity— Shit Pitches (@Shit_Pitches) February 27, 2016
@Shit_Pitches is delightfully surreal, but the format is just plausible enough that you can imagine some of these actually happening. For example, this quirky Ben Stiller movie pitch is dangerously close to reality.
Ben Stiller freezes time in order to steal library books for a woman he believes he drew when he was child— Shit Pitches (@Shit_Pitches) February 27, 2016
And this Tom Cruise movie? Surely a legit pitch from the mid 1990s.
Tom Cruise is a classical pianist who is involved in a skiing accident that renders him incapable of seeing or hearing women— Shit Pitches (@Shit_Pitches) February 26, 2016
In a similar vein, we also recommend the bot account @nerdgarbagebot, which uses a selection of geek culture formulas to create horrible yet depressingly believable book and movie ideas.
It's a socialist take on Terminator.— nerd garbage pitches (@NerdGarbageBot) February 28, 2016
This short story collection is like if 1984 was solarpunk.— nerd garbage pitches (@NerdGarbageBot) February 27, 2016
Photo via Walter Mitty