7 ideas from survivalists who can’t wait for the end of the world

Recently, we’ve taken a close look at some of the most upvoted posts in Reddit’s wildest, weirdest sectors and found some unexpected gems. So far we’ve tackled teenagers

getting “profound” on r/im14andthisisdeep and truly terrible aesthetic choices on

r/crappydesign

But today we’re looking at r/survival, a place where capable (read:

insecure) Redditors show off how prepared they are for society to quit circling the drain and just implode already. Some of this involves genuinely impressive fire-making techniques, but some involves running away from red wasps with your tail between your legs (just wait.) Enjoy! 

 At 1,246 upvotes, something that will never help anyone:

Willow Haven Outdoor

OK. If I find myself on a desert island, or tundra, or, you know, wherever, what are the chances

that I’ll have a box full of crayons? This helps nobody. Did I go straight from a Toys “R” Us into

the wasteland? I’ll keep it in the back of my mind, but still. 

At 789 upvotes, the feeling of complete inadequacy.

This man is alone in the soaking wet wilderness and somehow manages to build a

fire with his bare fucking hands. You know who wouldn’t be able to do that? You, that’s who. Ostensibly, the survival subreddit is a place to learn crucial tips ahead of the collapse, but

really it’s a way to understand just how fucked you truly are. 

At 756 upvotes, The Hobbit

Apparently this was built by a friend of a Redditor somewhere off the grid. I’m assuming it was

constructed shortly after the events depicted in The Desolation of Smaug

 At 712 upvotes, the hipster hobo. 

This photo comes from a Redditor who calls himself a “hobo” with the parenthetical

specifications “trainhopper/hitchhiker.” Look, man, I know that identifying yourself as a hobo is

a great way to get back at dad, but no hobos are carrying around a Toshiba laptop and, like,

North Face luggage. Fuck that. You are appropriating hobo culture. 

At 626 upvotes, a true hobo for a true people.

(Sorry, this embed was not found.)

This motherfucker is fishing with rocks. Yeah, I make a decent living blogging about GIFs on the

internet, but this man figured out actual subsistence in the cruel, dark city of Los Angeles—with rocks. I might never

live in a sewer, but I also might never be quite as satisfied. 

At 448 upvotes, the gentleman’s fire-starter. 

There you go, guys. If you ever find yourself marooned after a plane crash with nothing more

than a double-A battery and a pack of Trident, just try to remember every specific nuance in this GIF. 

And last but not least, at 618 upvotes, the greatest post in the history of Reddit.

Let me paste the whole thing to give you the full picture. 

Reddit

This is amazing. This man is facing an actual natural crisis, and he turns to r/survival. He’s

getting live emergency support from a fairly niche subreddit. The future is here. 

Also, the advice

he got was solid.

Here’s the top-upvoted reply: 

“I can’t think of any reasonable method to get rid of the wasps that doesn’t involve you leaving

the tent anyway. This will probably look a little comical, but if your tent isn’t staked in too well

into the ground, roll your tent forward so you can stick just your feet out of the mesh and walk

your tent away that way.” 

Yep, that’s r/survival for you: sometimes you build fire out of gum, and sometimes you run away from a hornet’s nest

wearing a tent.

Photo via Imgur 

Luke Winkie

Luke Winkie

Entertainment and sports reporter Luke Winkie has written everywhere from A.V Club to Vice, including Sports Illustrated, Rolling Stone, Kotaku, Playboy, Mel, and Polygon.