Photo via Diego Torres Silvestre/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Someone padlocked this guy’s ear gauge while he wasn’t looking

Tom Matthews is not a happy man.


David Britton

Internet Culture

Published Mar 4, 2016   Updated May 27, 2021, 3:21 am CDT

Director Mel Brooks once famously said, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”

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So maybe we can’t be blamed for laughing at poor Tom Matthews, who was innocently enjoying a cigarette when someone came up and put a padlock through his gauged earlobe.

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Facebook turned out to be less than sympathetic. Here are a few direct quotes from Matthews’s “friends”:


“I wish I did it”

“Whooooo did this? I’d like to give them some money? Sorry my dear boy, but this has made me very happy. And I’m never happy!”

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“I’ll find him to give him a high 5”

“This is literally one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen on Facebook.”

“That’s proper ‘unlocky’ mate”


Naturally, a few commenters were curious about how Matthews failed to notice someone sneaking up and snapping a padlock closed through part of his body.

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Matthews explained: “Literally having a fag out back literally they came out heard a click turned round realised theyre [sic] was a padlock on my ear and tried to chase em.”

It’s safe to assume he only “tried” to chase them, because it’s kind of hard to run with a padlock bouncing around in your ear.

Matthews said he was eventually able to get the thing off using a pair of bolt cutters, so it could have been worse. After all, the prankster might have used a chain to attach the lock to a cinderblock… or a wall… or even another pissed-off dude.

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Matthews seems to have calmed down a little since making the original Facebook post (he threaten murder more than once in the comments). He even shared a mocking photo posted by one of his friends.

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But even given his improved mood and newfound sense of levity about the situation, if you’re the person who did this, we’d recommend waiting a couple years before revealing yourself. In fact, maybe never mention it at all.

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H/T Distractify | Photo via Diego Torres Silvestre/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Mar 4, 2016, 8:43 pm CST