- Why you should drop everything and start reading ‘Lore Olympus’ Friday 6:27 PM
- ‘Boogaloo’ memes are trying to organize a second civil war—and they’re spreading fast Friday 3:48 PM
- People are disturbed by these McDonald’s-scented candles Friday 3:47 PM
- Season 2 of ‘The Witcher’ is in production Friday 3:16 PM
- Here are some cringey billboards Bloomberg ran in Arizona Friday 2:51 PM
- PewDiePie returns to YouTube after 37-day hiatus Friday 2:01 PM
- Why was a Republican Party Facebook page co-managed by someone in Turkmenistan? Friday 1:26 PM
- The shorthand guide to ‘Star Wars: The Clone Wars’ Friday 1:07 PM
- Congress urges Tinder to screen for sex offenders Friday 1:03 PM
- Video shows 9-year-old threatening suicide after being bullied Friday 12:01 PM
- Ex-Goldman Sachs CEO says he might vote Trump because Sanders is too mean to him Friday 11:40 AM
- Twitch streamer says she was banned for body painting Friday 11:39 AM
- Did BTS fans really cause TikTok to crash? (updated) Friday 11:08 AM
- People are selling homemade tampons on Etsy Friday 11:01 AM
- ‘Hunters’ review: Amazon’s Nazi-hunting series was a great idea, in theory Friday 10:47 AM
In case you missed it, Budweiser is renaming itself “America” for the summer. So it makes sense that, in return, America would offer her corporations the naming rights to parts of the national park system. Totally a fair trade. They get some majestic mountains and natural wonders…
And we get a cheap beer that taste like someone drank a bunch of decent beer, then urinated it back into a bottle, sealed it up, and sold it for $5.
As they approach their 100th anniversary, the National Parks Service, is more strapped for cash than ever. According to Fortune, the NPS needs $12 billion for repairs. Some $2.85 billion of that will come from the United States government, leaving quite a large gap to be made up from private donations—which last year totaled just $80 million.
The answer, according to Jeff Reinbold, the Park Service’s associate director for partnerships and civic engagement, is to allow for limited corporate sponsorship. So, does that mean you could soon hike through Budweiser National Park and come across a pile of empty America cans?
Not yet. There will be severe limitations on how, and on what, a corporation can advertise, but it opens a door that up until now has remained shut. The NPS is inviting public comment about the idea; you can give your feedback and read more about the details of the plan here.
But as long as we’re gonna rename a few things, let’s at least make sure the new names are appropriate. Jeff Ruch, executive director of Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility, and noted critic of the new plan, already has a few suggestions to get us started: “You could use Old Faithful to pitch Viagra, or the Lincoln Memorial to plug hemorrhoid cream, or Victoria’s Secret to plug the Statue of Liberty.”
Those are all pretty great (although the Washington Monument seems like more of a natural fit for Viagra—or maybe you could put a Trojan condom on it), but surely there are some other possible pairings. How about:
Morton’s Great Salt Lake
Remember the Alamo with Taco Bell
Yellowstone hot springs, sponsored by Mountain Dew
And, of course:
Trump’s Other Tower
Welcome to the new America, everybody. Or, as it’s soon to be known, Disney’s Walmart Adventure Land.
H/T Washington Post
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.