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These 3 lizards out for sex are every bro you’ve met at the club

You know these guys.


Elijah Watson

Internet Culture

Posted on May 18, 2016   Updated on May 26, 2021, 6:25 pm CDT

Who would’ve thought that lizards were the original bros? As you’ll see in the video below, this scaly trio has been playing an everlasting game of roshambo with one another for over 15 million years, each using their own specialized strategy to attract a potential mate.

While the orange guys are 100 percent alpha male, aggressively setting up territories with a lot of females, yellows are essentially the sneak creeps that run up on unsuspecting mates, and blues are the lurkers that have their eyes set on only one love interest. So, in other words, basically every type of bro you’ve encountered in the club at some point in your life. By my reasoning, the monogamous blues low-key come across as the most bro-y, considering they actually risk their lives for each other and do push-ups to warn each other of intruders.

What’s most interesting is that neither of the three ever die out, with each one keeping the others in check thanks to certain advantages. Plus, the female lizards tend to go for the rarer lizard out of the three each season. As the video explains, “if blues are getting the upper hand, females go for yellows or oranges.”

It’s funny but also kind of sad, considering that humans are supposed to be the most evolved of all animals, and yet there are actual men who owe their strategies of wooing potential partners to lizards who’ve been in a sexual stalemate for a very, very, very long time. Life is an endless cycle of bros not being excellent to each other.

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*First Published: May 18, 2016, 12:19 pm CDT