Your 20-step guide to parking like an absolute idiot

bad parking car

Screengrab via HamsterOnAGoat/Imgur

It doesn’t have to be so difficult.

Hello, driver. Hope you are keeping safe and alert on the road. We know that you love operating your car on the roads day and night, but have you ever considered stopping?

Stopping your vehicle, exiting, and leaving it unattended is called “parking.” After you “park” your car, remember to unbuckle your seatbelt and remove your keys from the ignition—you don’t want to lock them inside! First, of course, you will need to actually park.

Parking can be difficult for some, but we’ve simplified it with this GIF and an accompanying 20-step guide:

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  1. Identify your parking spot of choice. Assess safety. If clear, proceed.

  2. Pull forward, past the spot, hang right.

  3. Shift gear to reverse, cut your wheel to the left. Hit the gas.

  4. Turn right, gas forward.

  5. Turn left, ease your foot onto the accelerator. Reverse.

  6. Turn right; jut forward.

  7. Reverse. Cut left, sharply.

  8. Drive. Turn right. Inch away from the spot.

  9. Reverse. Turn left all the way. Reverse. Brake. Reverse slightly. You are almost facing the opposite direction. Good.

  10. Turn right, then left, back… back—inhale and sharply turn right.

  11. At this point, you are taking up the entire lane in the lot. That is what you want.

  12. Inch forward, then back, then forward, and back one more time. Say a prayer— you are almost finished.

  13. Inch forward. Back, brake, back. Forward, right. Back, then turn right sharply.

  14. Reverse to your point of origin.

  15. Pull forward, stop. Reverse a few more feet.

  16. Pull slightly past the spot, then turn left. You should be outside the right edge of the spot.

  17. Reverse with wheel turned all the way to the right. Stop with your front bumper in the middle of the parking spot.

  18. Turn left into the spot, then stop.

  19. Shift gear into park.

  20. Die of shame.

Congratulations, driver! You just executed the most efficient possible perpendicular parking job. Wouldn’t be surprised if a fellow motorist was so impressed that they filmed the whole thing and put it online. 

Photo via HamsterOnAGoat/Imgur

Feliks Garcia

Feliks Garcia

Feliks Garcia was a reporter and essayist whose work for the Daily Dot focused on social justice issues, internet culture, and the Rock. He was a staff writer for the Independent when he passed away in February 2017 after suffering a heart attack. He was 33.