google weight crashing down

Illustration by Max Fleishman

A fine contribution to science.

Sometimes there’s no way to describe how much you truly hate someone, or the amount of leftovers in your fridge after Thanksgiving. No way except with a word that can’t be found in the Webster dictionary: a “fuckton.”

Reddit has for some time now offered an accurate understanding of how the fuckton breaks down into smaller units. In a post on r/shittyaskscience from three years ago, a fuckton’s logarithmic scale was explained:

buttload * 10 = 1 butt ton
butt ton * 10 = 1 assload
assload * 10 = 1 asston
asston * 10 = 1 shitload
shitload * 10 = 1 shitton
shitton * 10 = 1 fuckload
fuckload * 10 = 1 fuckton

And the top comment on the post has a more succinct definition:

10 shitloads per metric fuckton. In English measurements, it’s about 66/7 shitloads per fuckton. Most people prefer to use metric.

It’s a pity that kids aren’t taught this useful math in school. Instead they have to learn how many quarts are in a gallon or how to figure out the derivative of something.

Thankfully, if they ever need to know how much a fuckton is, Google will be there to share this vital piece of information. Reddit’s calculation has successfully become the search engine’s suggested definition. Whenever you search the term “fuckton” or “define fuckton,” you’ll see this:

A fine scientific contribution by Reddit to society. We applaud them for helping to educate the world.


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