- R. Kelly charged in Chicago with multiple counts of sex abuse Friday 7:51 PM
- Elon Musk finally hosts PewDiePie’s meme review Friday 6:27 PM
- Netflix throws ‘Umbrella Academy’-themed wedding for fans Friday 4:54 PM
- Report: Facebook collects app data on users’ body weight, menstrual cycles Friday 3:38 PM
- Amy Klobuchar reportedly ate salad with a comb, and Twitter’s got questions Friday 2:47 PM
- Nobody likes Spotify’s new update Friday 2:34 PM
- Student assaulted on campus while tabling for right-wing group Friday 1:56 PM
- Kim Kardashian West sues fashion company for using her likeness to sell clothes Friday 1:12 PM
- The Oscar-nominated movies you’ll actually want to watch again Friday 12:56 PM
- Viral graphic shows the moment Apple became the top brand Friday 12:27 PM
- Jake Paul calls out KSI for a YouTube boxing match Friday 11:31 AM
- This elementary school made students play ‘runaway slave’ Friday 11:20 AM
- ‘Captain Marvel’ is already a box office hit Friday 11:06 AM
- This ‘buff bunny vs. small bunny’ meme is here for when you’re feeling inferior Friday 10:53 AM
- Ocasio-Cortez slams trolls who come at her with ‘weak’ memes Friday 10:52 AM
When you play the Game of Brands, you win or you buy.
Have you been seeing all these Game of Thrones-branded products in the aisles recently? I was at the grocery store the other day, picking up a bottle of Valar Morghulis to ease the between-season angst I’ve been feeling since last seeing Westeros, when I spotted it. Walking through the aisles, a familiar face leaped out at me from the detergents.
It couldn’t be! But then again, I was holding an officially branded Game of Thrones adult beverage. I laughed to myself and walked further down through the health and beauty section toward the checkout. That’s when these condoms caught my eye.
I know Tyrion says, “We always love the wrong woman,” but this is absurd. A dong of ice and fire? Who’s looking for that? Anyway, I tried them on, and they’re far too roomy. Good on ya, Imp.
I turned down the snack aisle against my better judgment, but a bag of chips was the perfect compliment to this moody Belgian Dubbel. I didn’t even make it to the chips before I spotted these sugar-frosted nightmares. Mother of Desserts? TOO FAR.
Well, of course I bought two. Will you look at the cherry filling just pouring out of that thing? I was slightly less messy when eating mine than Khaleesi is on the box. They’re clearly knock-offs, but what is Little Debbie going to do in the face of three dragons—send lawyers?
I also made one last impulse purchase before heading home, partly because it was healthy, partly because I saw a three-eyed crow in a dream (again).
There’s no prize hidden in the box, and it pretty much tasted like regular bran flakes, but Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor? Hodor Hodor.
Photo via Game of Thrones/HBO | Remix by Jason Reed
Jason Reed, better known online as Challenger, is the Art Director of the Daily Dot.