One man’s plan to hack his shower goes horribly wrong

Lawn furniture—sturdy and true—belongs outdoors. Whenever company requires extra floor seating, we reluctantly drag in the dirt-riddled lawn chairs and they look awful. Yet Reddit user Francoisl13 felt compelled to use them in a star-crossed attempt to hack his bathroom. His brief moment of clarity quickly turned into a warm, soap-soaked carnival of terror.

He’d imagined an ultimate fortress of in-the-shower comfort, but failed to factor in one critical trap door, as he explains:

Funny story, I took one of those plastic green lawnchairs in the shower one time, turned out to be the best thing ever to go with showerbeer. But the hot water made the plastic more flexible, and my testicles ended up slipping through one of the slots in the seat. I ended up having to tip over backwards in the shower, attached to the chair via scrotum, and have the hot water heat the bottom of the chair enough to be able to pull the plastic apart and remove my precious testicles.
It sucked.

He goes on:

After relaxing for a good 15 minutes, the plastic chair became flexible enough to warp, allowing my testicles to slip through the slots on the seat. I was initially unaware of this, and began to stand up to turn off the shower, and the chair, fastened to my testicles, prevented me from standing. In a moment of panic, pain, and confusion, I tipped the chair over sideways in the shower, which was still secured to my precious scrotum. In order to save myself, I had to orient myself with my back facing the ground, with the bottom of the seat pointing towards the showerhead. I then sat there for 5 minutes, long enough until I could warp the slot with my hands to release the family jewels from captivity.

You don’t need actual man bits to feel the testicular pain here. But in case anything was left to the imagination, Francoisl13 diagrammed the winning play that saved his scrotum.

Francoisl13/Reddit

Lesson learned.

Photo via Isaac Bowen/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Ramon Ramirez

Ramon Ramirez

Ramon Ramirez is the news director, and formerly the Dot's entertainment editor and evening editor. His work has appeared in the Washington Post, Grantland, Washington City Paper, Austin American-Statesman, and Austin Monitor.