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According to a text exchange between a teenage girl and her mother, butt-chugging is out, and teens have a new drug of choice: teeny sponge dinosaurs.
The images were posted by Ashley Banks, who texted her mom asking her to find her calculator in her room. Instead, her mom found a bag of multicolored capsules, and she demanded Banks return home and account for her clearly dire pill habit.
Banks, being a typical teen, tried to weasel her way out of the situation by insisting they weren’t drugs. She told her mom to put the pills in water, where they transformed into little dinosaur shapes. Her mother believed that she just had the tchotchkes for fun, instead of for deadly recreational use.
But we’re not fooled. A pack of 15 capsules can be easily and legally purchased on Amazon for less than $9. One teen has already suffered after being addicted to eating sponges, and clearly the epidemic is growing. Are they eating them? Snorting them? Dousing them with LSD and holding them between their gums during Model U.N.?
This guy knows what we’re talking about.
It’s okay, Banks, we won’t snitch. Just give us the good hookup.
Jaya Saxena is a lifestyle writer and editor whose work focuses primarily on women's issues and web culture. Her writing has appeared in GQ, ELLE, the Toast, the New Yorker, Tthe Hairpin, BuzzFeed, Racked, Eater, Catapult, and others. She is the co-author of 'Dad Magazine,' the author of 'The Book Of Lost Recipes,' and the co-author of 'Basic Witches.'