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Calling all Chicagoans—are you looking for a new pad? Well, we’ve got the perfect place for you. For just $400 a month, you can have your own private room in a Ukrainian Village apartment that even has laundry in the building.
You just have to love Satan and possibly be OK with signing away your soul, among a few other criteria.
According to a Craigslist ad, a couple of Satan worshippers are looking to fill a room in their four-bedroom apartment. Clearly, you have to be down with Satan, but there are a couple of provisions on the kind of devil-lovin’ these dudes practice. They write in the post, “We suppose if you’re into Thelema/Aliester Crowley or other LEFT HAND PATH isms you’d be considered perhaps if you brought an amazing beast like a house broken goat; because that happens but we sure could fucking try. Shit, if you’re a theistic satanist… maybe. Just don’t be sacrificing any animals on the premise. We’re obviously open minded… obviously.”
There’s a long list of other requirements and provisos, including pig-raising duties and communal cooking. The roomies point out that “You couldn’t get a room this cheap if you were giving Satan blowjobs to subsidize rent,” which is probably true, but I think giving Balthazar himself some head ought to get you more than a small rent discount. Really, if you’re getting involved in oral shenanigans with the devil, rent should be completely free.
Anyway, they sound like pretty reasonable and relatable people, especially given that they hate dirty dishes in the sink. That’s one of the biggest sins you can commit as a shitty roommate. You can check out the rest of the amenities and stipulations on the Craigslist posting.
Oh, and of course, no cats or vegans. Those two are their own kind of evil incarnatd.
H/T DNA Info
Gabe Bergado is a Daily Dot alumnus who covered dank memes, teens, and the weirdest corners of the Internet. One time, Ted Cruz supporters turned him into a meme—or at least tried to. In 2017, he started reporting for Teen Vogue's entertainment section.