Here’s the erotic Bitcoin novel the free market deserves

There’s nothing sexier than bitcoins, right? Right?

If digital cryptocurrency already has you feeling all hot and bothered, there’s a new erotic novel about bitcoins that may be more than you can handle. It’s called King of Bitcoin, and it’s dubbed unsuitable for readers below age 17 because of its explicit sex scenes. 


Over on SmashWords, ebook author Kayleen Knight is selling her 10,000-word novel about 19-year-old Atlas Fawkes, a condescending Bitcoin miner who survives a global financial collapse in 2019 only to become fabulously wealthy thanks to his smart lack of faith in fiat currency.

Yes, 10,000 words about that—and sex!

The first line of the novel shows Brad, a popular kid with a cheerleader girlfriend, mocking Atlas’s passion: “Bitcoins? Buttcoins more like!”

Atlas is a patronizing, free market-fetishizing lunatic who suffers the world’s insults in the opening of the book before becoming, we assume, a sexual king in the imminent post-dollar apocalyptic hellscape. We have to assume about the rest of the book because King of Bitcoin’s free sample ended with Atlas crying on the floor as his mining rig caught fire. It seemed like too satisfying an ending to ruin with 9,000 more words.

Knight, the author of this opus, is not new to ebook publishing. She’s written titles such as Cougars Like It Hard, Cougars Like ’Em Young, and Cougars Like It Dirty. As if that wasn’t enough, she’s also got a four-part series about demons and a how-to book on exhibitionism in her arsenal.

Now, with King of Bitcoin, Kayleen Knight’s star turn has finally come. It’ll only cost you $3.95—no, you can’t buy the book in bitcoins—for 10,000 words of prime material. 

All that’s missing is a fedora.

Illustration via Smashwords

Patrick Howell O'Neill

Patrick Howell O'Neill

Patrick Howell O'Neill is a notable cybersecurity reporter whose work has focused on the dark net, national security, and law enforcement. A former senior writer at the Daily Dot, O'Neill joined CyberScoop in October 2016. I am a cybersecurity journalist at CyberScoop. I cover the security industry, national security and law enforcement.