The best Twitter searches you should save

These simple but hilarious Twitter searches will instantly brighten your day.

 

Eric Geller

Internet Culture

Published Jul 30, 2014   Updated May 30, 2021, 9:00 pm CDT

Have you ever needed an instant pick-me-up but found your Twitter timeline lacking? How many times have you wished for a special feed especially tailored to making you laugh? Forget about following the best people; you need to follow the best searches.

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Saved searches on Twitter are often used to track how a particular topic is spreading, but if you know the right phrases to search for, you can also use them to track hilarity. Here are some phrases that, if you search for them on Twitter, are guaranteed to produce more than a little schadenfreude.

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“Apologizes for”

Few things are funnier to read than apologies for absurd comments or actions. Set up a saved search for the phrase “apologizes for” and you’ll find tweets like this:

GOP lawmaker apologizes for mistaking U.S. officials as visitors from India http://t.co/46Zk7mAAPM

— HuffPost Politics (@HuffPostPol) July 29, 2014

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… and this:

“Ray Comfort Apologizes for Saying There’s No Gravity in Space” http://t.co/wXfc1mPFzB

— Matt Staggs (@mattstaggs) July 28, 2014

…and of course this:

Comcast apologizes for customer service representative’s behavior http://t.co/TD3HVE8AtB

— Sun Sentinel (@SunSentinel) July 17, 2014

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“Probably shouldn’t have”

Regrets can be very funny. It’s why that apology search consistently yields gold. But while “apologizes for” will mostly turn up news reports about verbalized regrets, “probably shouldn’t have” will get you a lot of personal musings from random people who are finding that hindsight is 20/20. You can laugh at what the person did, you can laugh at the fact that they’re having second thoughts, or you can laugh at both. Just remember to laugh.

In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have made a face of pure terror as an obese woman (too fat for the aisle) squished next to me on bus

— Christiana Grace (@chrissybrigden) July 29, 2014

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“Accidentally breaks”

Accidents happen. Sometimes they’re dangerous… sometimes they’re hilarious. Even if you feel bad for whoever accidentally broke something in these tweets, it’s OK to laugh. 

Student accidentally breaks 19th century Greco-Roman statue while trying to take a selfie. http://t.co/DANjKBg38A

— Yahoo Tech (@YahooTech) March 18, 2014

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WATCH: Medal of Honor Recipient Accidentally Breaks NYSE Gavel: Former Army staff sergeant … http://t.co/nEFqETamA6 #TeamSwaqBoyzGirls

— Frutrado con Ella (@BlankOh02) July 24, 2014

Woman makes surprising find inside garden gnome statue she accidentally breaks | Odd News – Yahoo News http://t.co/C2iFve5zpa

— Charlene (@PrincessRalle2) May 21, 2014

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“After forgetting to”

Look, we all forget things. We’re only human. And it’s OK, because some of the funniest stories of absent-mindedness and inattentiveness are only a search away. Plug in the search “after forgetting to” and bask in the feeling of superiority you get from realizing that you are more on top of your game than these people.

Irish bomber injured by own device after forgetting to wind his warch forward. I’m not making this up. http://t.co/nJtLKvcw4Q

— Paul Waugh (@paulwaugh) April 2, 2014

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One UConn fan could have won $100K, but he forgot to hit “save.” http://t.co/dY0SdbewxP

— CBSSports.com (@CBSSports) April 8, 2014

This story is nuts: British groom calls in bomb threat after forgetting to book wedding venue, gets 12 months in jail http://t.co/fvwV9XPTob

— Slate (@Slate) October 23, 2013

 

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“Issues correction”

Even journalists make mistakes. You’re on a tight deadline and you accidentally misprint a word or misquote a figure. It happens. Thanks to Twitter, however, your mistake is preserved for the whole world to see. Search for “issues correction” and discover a world of media incompetence that, if we’re being fair, paints a one-sided picture of journalistic integrity and professionalism. One-sided, yes, but also entertaining.

Yahoo! News issues correction after reporter cites Kenya as Obama’s birthplace http://t.co/JYWQE4zTin

— Talking Points Memo (@TPM) June 22, 2013

John Stossel Issues Correction For ‘Dumb’ Statement Claiming ‘No One’ Starved During Great Depression http://t.co/D8mRgis7e8 (VIDEO)

— Mediaite (@Mediaite) May 31, 2013

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“It is gray, not gay”: AP issues correction for note on “gay” Nets jerseys: http://t.co/xWRJnWUHfa

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) March 23, 2014

What are your favorite Twitter searches for non-stop laughs? Let us know in the comments.

Photo by acidpix/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Jul 30, 2014, 9:00 am CDT