When getting off goes wrong.
“Ordering stuff online is easy and fun,” they say.
“Why go shopping IRL when you can buy it on the internet,” they say.
“I’m socially awkward and don’t like being around huge crowds when I buy food, so l have it delivered to me,” they say.
“The internet is the new mall,” they say.
“Why would I buy a sex toy from a sex shop? Buying one online is less awkward and saves me time so I can engage in activities besides buying sex toys,” they say.
But what happens when ordering things online is hard? What happens when your internet is down? What happens if your city is having a blizzard and no one can deliver any food to your socially awkward ass? What happens when your crush is at the mall and texts you to meet them there? And what happens when you order a sex toy online for a decent price, only to realize when it arrives that it’s nothing more than a cheap knockoff?
Yes, customers on Amazon are livid that they ordered Fleshlights they thought were the genuine article but turned out to be fake as hell. What’s more, this product has been getting one-star reviews for years, which makes us wonder if these dudes could use some shopping advice.
Regardless, please imagine finally receiving your Fleshlight in the mail and then immediately getting a chemical burn from it. Poor Steven.
“Rubbing your wang on the gym floor.” No Fleshlight should make a man feel this way.
Mr. Hardenbrook was so distraught with his purchase that this is all that was said.
Drew was not only was disappointed with his Fleshlight, but he had to go through the embarrassment of telling his wife about it. Someone send this guy a free, authentic Fleshlight immediately.
Thank you, Amazon Customer, for the fake Fleshlight warning. You are a gentleman and scholar.
#Counterfeitfleshlightgate has even found its way to Reddit.
So the moral of the story is: Do what that Reddit user suggested. Buy from the official Fleshlight site or don your favorite incognito gear and head to your local sex shop and purchase it IRL. You might just end up meeting the love of your life, which means you won’t even need that sex toy.
Oh, and if all else fails—just make your own!
Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.