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A humanitarian aid worker’s fleshlight just made the news
A home away from home.
With media outlets increasingly reliant on contributions from readers—you know, the sort of stuff that doesn’t get too rigorously vetted or fact-checked—it was probably just a matter of time before the Guardian tweeted a photo of a man’s (presumably broken-in) fleshlight.
David Higgins, the man who sent the photo to the newspaper for a gallery of supplies that relief workers pack on their missions, had no shame about the rubber sex toy: “We have to travel light here [in Afghanistan], so no luxuries,” he explained: “first aid kit, water filter, emergency rations, flesh light, sleeping bag, ground sheet, knife and distress beacon.”
A chorus of punchlines soon followed, though none punningly incorporated the grating typo in the Guardian’s tweet. Something like “a valley for every peak” might have sufficed.
— Ben Fishwick (@ben_fishwick) June 11, 2014
— Robert Peacock (@robertpeacock22) June 11, 2014
— Juliet Langton (@JulietLangton) June 11, 2014
But as far as we’re concerned, Higgins has nothing to be embarrassed about. He’s doing important, dangerous work, and we want him to be able to masturbate comfortably. After all, when you spend some time in the desert, your palms get awfully sandy.
Photo via @GuardianGDP/Twitter
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'