In a new tell-all style video, YouTuber Tana Mongeau sat down to discuss with her over 5 million subscribers her struggles with mental health and substance abuse in 2019.
Mongeau responded to backlash about season 2 of her reality show MTV No Filter, Refinery29 reports. The criticism stemmed from episodes that captured Mongeau in an unflattering light to some viewers: drinking around a friend "who is a recovering alcoholic" and getting into notable spats with her manager Jordan Worona.
Back in December 2019, Mongeau released a 40-minute length video, that went into detail about her relationship with Jake Paul, according to Refinery29, and "(opened) the door for me to explain more," she said in her most recent video.
Mongeau delved into how filming season 2 of MTV No Filter put a strain on her mental health and relationships. She also discussed how she felt producers unfairly edited the show, portraying her differently than how she acts "on a day to day basis."
"I think MTV, they like the drama," Mongeau said in the video. "They know how to give (Jordan and I) call times to make us really tired and give us phone calls on things that make us really stressed and have producers whisper little things to us that make us bicker."
The show does not always contain snippets of the moments when Mongeau and Worona resolve their differences, she said.
"I accredit me being alive today to Jordan," Mongeau said. "And I know if you've seen anything on MTV you wouldn't believe that right now."
Mongeau also discussed how strains happening in other relationships such as with her parents—which led to her increased use of Xanax, she said. She touched on how much of her upbringing involved her raising herself and enduring emotional and physical abuse.
Her relationship with Paul, whom she had a fake wedding with, also proved to be a tough situation to overcome, she said.
"I didn't want to deal with any of it," Mongeau said. "I woke up one day and was like 'What am I dong? I'm just existing, I'm not even living at all. I don't want to live. I've let my health get this bad because of my lack of will to live and depression.'"
Some weeks Mongeau said were filled with her "smoking backwoods every single day."
Many saw Mongeau's sit-down video as an authentic way to share her personal struggles.
"Twenty minutes of an MTV reality show could never hit like an hour long episode of (Tana) story time," viewer Sydney Stewart commented on Mongeau's video.
"Is it just me or can you tell she’s on the road to such a better person," viewer Sky Patten commented. "Her eyes have a sparkle again and she looks great!!!"
"I now know what the lowest point of depression is and to me what feels like the highest point of wanting to live," Mongeau said. "Now I feel like I'm in a place to get back to exactly what I started all of this doing and that's being a YouTuber."
Some, however, did not accept Mongeua's reasoning for how she acted on her show.
As season 2 of MTV No Filter continues to unfold, Mongeau said it's likely she's going to have to continue to explain to viewers the reason behind her behavior.
"I'd rather people watch this and know the truth and look at me differently in this way then watch these MTV episodes and think I'm that person," Mongeau said.
Mongeau did not clarify if the show will continue for a season 3 but did announce that moving forward, she will try her best to display authenticity.
"I'm now surrounded by people who make me my best, authentic me, and I know from this point on I won't do anything that's not the most authentic thing for me to do," she said.
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