Starbucks Frappucinos have had a special place in my heart since I was 10 years old, when I had my very first decaf Mocha Frappucino at the mall. My mom and aunt had just gotten their own delicious ice-blended beverages, so my cousin and I begged them to let us try one. I can still remember sucking from the green straw while sitting in the backseat of the car. Life was good.
More than a decade later and 20 years after the Starbucks Frappucino was first introduced, the sanctity of the sugary beverage has been defiled. While we already know about the secret menu of Frappucino flavors, from Captain Crunch to (horror of horrors) bubblegum, the coffee chain has just introduced six new flavors, which frappe fans will be able to vote on online starting June 19.
Starting June 8, you can now buy the following flavors from Starbucks: cupcake, cotton candy, red velvet cake, lemon bar, cinnamon roll and caramel cocoa cluster. Fans will soon be able to vote on their Fan Favorite Frapp on the coffee chain’s website. The winner will be available for $3 from July 3 to July 6.
If the taste of liquefied desserts sounds appealing to you, you can try all six of the new frappe flavors yourself. But if you’d rather not risk falling into a sugar-induced coma, you can check out the Daily Dot’s ranking of the six new flavors, listed in order of sugary goodness.
1) Red Velvet Cake
This flavor definitely seemed like one of the safer options from the list. Made with a blend of mocha sauce along with raspberry and vanilla syrup, it actually reminded me a lot of my go-to drink during sophomore year of high school: white chocolate mocha Frappucino with a pump or two of raspberry. I didn’t hate it, but I most definitely didn’t enjoy the synthetic taste of cake in my mouth.
2) Caramel Cocoa Crunch
The triple C was a super-sweet avalanche of sugary flavors. The whipped cream had some mocha drizzle, so I ended up just eating all that instead.
3) Cotton Candy
Because the cotton candy frappe legit looks like a plastic cup full of Pepto-Bismol, it terrified me at first. But thankfully, it didn’t taste like the stomach remedy and actually was semi-drinkable. It was pretty similar to the Strawberries & Créme Frappucino, but with more of a fruity bite. And while it didn’t taste like Pepto, I was begging for some by the time I got to trying the fourth Frappe flavor.
4) Lemon Bar
I think I would have enjoyed this flavor a bit more, but the baristas at the Starbucks accidentally made it really runny. (The barista also gave me an “Are you serious?!” look when I ordered all six flavors.) It was sweet and not super tangy, but I wanted it to be over after a couple of sips. It was like tasting those Lemonhead candies that you get when you’re trick-or-treating, but you don’t get around to eating them until May, when the flavors have gotten a little funky.
5) Cinnamon Roll
There was a steep curve when it came to these last two flavors, in terms of how digestible they were. There was just something so fake-tasting about the Cinnamon Roll and Cupcake Frapps that had me grimacing from the first slurp. The Cinnamon Roll tasted like a 5-year-old took a Swiss Miss hot chocolate packet and mixed it in with random spices from their mom’s kitchen cabinet.
Avoid the cupcake-flavored Frappucino at all costs. It tastes like low-budget cream cheese left out on a summer picnic day. It’s so bad that I actually used the Cotton Candy Frapp to wash out the flavor of the Cupcake Frapp. Perhaps the combination of the hazelnut and vanilla syrup just made for some awful trouble in my mouth? Because some of my colleagues seemed to enjoy it.
So there you have it, folks. Try these flavors out at your own risk. If you’re a grown-up, you’ll likely end up with a sugar high so turbulent that you’ll be gurgling water afterward trying to cleanse your system. But if you’re a #tween or #teen, you’ll likely be sucking up one of these syrupy concoctions every day of the week.
Photo via Gabe Bergado