man speaking with caption 'how to talk to anyone for hours the reason you run out of things t say when you're talking to people' (l) man speaking with caption 'how to talk to anyone for hours is because you're trying to be too direct' (c) man speaking with caption 'how to talk to anyone for hours like you can jump from subject to subject' (r)

@benhbader/TikTok Remix by Caterina Cox

‘This guy thinks he invented rambling’: Man gets slammed for explaining how to have a conversation

'Is this not common sense.'


Tricia Crimmins


Posted on Sep 19, 2023

A TikToker recently took mansplaining to a new level when he gave advice on how to have a conversation in a viral video.

In a video posted on Aug. 16, Ben Bader (@benhbader) says that there are differences between “masculine” and “feminine” ways of conversing.

Bader says “masculine” conversing is more direct and leads to shorter interactions that work in business settings, whereas “feminine” conversations are “more light and flowy” and “jumpy.”

“Masculine energy is just very direct and to the point. It’s like ‘OK, are we going to the bar?’ ‘Yes, we’re going at 7pm,'” Bader says in his TikTok. “You ask a girl, and they’re like, ‘Yeah, we’re gonna go here, and then we’re gonna go get our nails done, and then we’re gonna do this. And then we’re gonna do that. And then we’re gonna go.'”

Bader says that the first way of talking “might not make a ton of sense,” but it “flows better.” He advises people to “go off on a tangent” based on what someone else says in conversation.

“So when you’re with your friends and the conversation is more playful and you’re like jumping around from topic to topic, that’s more feminine energy—and again not in a weird way,” the TikToker says. “But when you’re in a business setting or the conversation’s more serious, that’s where it’s more masculine energy.”

Bader did not immediately respond to the Daily Dot’s request for comment.


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♬ original sound – ben

Many commenters took issue with Bader’s clarification that he wasn’t talking about “feminine energy… in a weird way,” as they thought he could be reinforcing tenants of toxic masculinity.

“Conversations are girlypop,” one commenter wrote, referencing a viral TikTok sound that equates the word “girlypop” with queerness.

Others simply said that conversing in the way Bader described is widely understood and practiced.

“Is this not common sense,” one commenter said. Another joked that he “thinks he invented rambling.”

But, others conceded, perhaps his advice is useful.

“I can’t believe this is something people have to be coached on,” a person wrote.

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*First Published: Sep 19, 2023, 6:25 pm CDT