The British journalist whose life was saved by Ryan Gosling now wishes that the heartthrob actor had just let her walk into oncoming traffic.
Laurie Penny said her "phone and email have been going crazy with media requests" since the stupendously dreamy Gosling stopped her from walking onto New York City's 6th Avenue just in time to save her from being hit by a speeding taxi.
In fact, Penny announced on Thursday that the swell of attention has become too much, and that she needs to step out of the limelight to save her sanity.
"I'm leaving Twitter until all this bloody fuss dies down," Penny tweeted. "Honestly, it would have been less trouble to get run over."
No telling how long Penny's Twitter hiatus will last, but the writer hasn't exactly put in work to quell the commotion. On Thursday, she published a recount of the Gosling run-in on Gawker that, considering the writer's enthusiasm for the buzz, redefined the term "Too Long, Didn't Read."
"Americans are very strange. They can and do hyperventilate about the most everyday happenings as if they are the most important thing in the world, and then they act completely normal when public conversations are had about war on Iran and war on women's bodies and when Rick Santorum is considered a serious presidential candidate. The real heroes I've met in America are risking everything to make sure that the United States doesn't slide further into bigotry, inequality and violence whilst everyone is distracted by the everyday doings of celebrities.
"What's more, I really do object to being framed as the ditzy damsel in distress in this story. I do not mean any disrespect to Ryan Gosling, who is an excellent actor and, by all accounts, a personable and decent chap. I thought he was marvelous in The Ides of March, and will feel weird about objectifying him in future now that I have encountered him briefly as an actual human.
"But as a feminist, a writer, and a gentlewoman of fortune, I refuse to be cast in any sort of boring supporting female role, even though I have occasional trouble crossing the road, and even though I did swoon the teeniest tiniest bit when I realized it was him. I think that's lazy storytelling, and I'm sure Ryan Gosling would agree with me."
As a writer, Penny should remember that it’s her job to write the story. How it's read is rightfully left up to the reader's interpretation. In this case, that reading is simple: Dreamboat saves female journalist from peril.
America's heard that one before. The first time around, it was called Superman.
Photo via @PennyRed/Twitter