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Twitter’s “50 Shades of Andy Gray” just made soccer a lot sexier

A popular soccer commentator meets the summer's hottest erotic novel, with hilarious results.


Kris Holt


Posted on Jul 16, 2012   Updated on Jun 2, 2021, 2:28 pm CDT

This summer’s hottest read (in more ways than one), Fifty Shades of Grey, is easy to make fun of. We’ve already seen that with Canvas community remixing the book’s cover, Gilbert Gottfried reading the tome in his decidedly unsexy voice, and a musical version of the raunchy novel.

This time around, a Twitter account spliced the book’s blunt sexual tone with the type of soccer analogies often spouted by that font of sporting knowledge, Andy Gray.

The former Everton and Rangers player, who was fired as a Sky Sports analyst last year over sexist comments, knows a thing or two about soccer. He’s known for catchphrases like “you beauty,” “what a hit,”  and perhaps most famously, “take a bow, son.”

Many of those phrases made it into 50ShadesOfAndyGray, which has amassed more than 35,000 followers despite tweeting just 29 times to date. Here are a few of the best so far:

  • “She lay trembling, no one had ever screwed her like that. He lay over her panting body & looked at his throbbing sword ‘take a bow, son.’”

  • “‘69!’ He barks. The two chambermaids obey his order. He sits & watches them pleasure each other before his eyes. ‘This is end to end stuff!’”

  • “She entered the room, her tight red dress clung to every curve. She oozed sex. Every man in the room sensed it. ‘YOOUU BEAUTYYY!’ he yelled.”

  • “He’d never pleasured an OAP before, but he’s one to try new things. Or old things. He sees her sex organs ‘It’s an atmospheric old stadium’”

  • “The prostitute gave the best sex ever. She rode him like Anakin Skywalker on a podracer. He applauds ‘You’re a great advert for the game.’”

Meanwhile, the Amazon commenters on Gray’s biography seem confused, with customers complaining that they expected something completely different. The title of Gray’s tome? Shades of Gray.

Photo via Twitter

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*First Published: Jul 16, 2012, 2:24 pm CDT