Your guide to heart-shaped fast food, the only reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day

Note that none of this is good for your heart. 

Mar 2, 2020, 8:59 am*



Molly McHugh

The dread of Valentine’s Day is almost as old as the thing itself. For every couple humble-bragging about their plans, there are two singletons bemoaning and/or celebrating their Forever Alone status. Whatever, both groups are entirely insufferable; I neither care to hear about how romantic your boo is with that surprise dinner res or how you’re drinking wine alone with your cats.

The surplus of attention, negative or positive, is what makes Valentine’s day obnoxious. You either hate it or you love it, and either way you’re taking to the Internet in droves to tell me about it. Between the happy hype and Debbie Downers, I can find only one piece of solace:

Heart-shaped food.

Yep, any brand that cuts their wares into the shape of a heart gets my vote for being just plain fun and throwing a little shade at a holiday people take too seriously. There’s something almost sarcastic about turning greasy fast food into a heart-shaped art form that makes the entire day tolerable. Maybe we love it because it’s literally the least effort we can put forward into showing someone we care (here, some fast food cut this thing into a smaller piece of thing, I love you!) or we can celebrate alone (begrudgingly, though almost elate in our aloneness).

Really, this is what we can all appreciate this Friday, whether we’re paired up or flying solo.

Heart-shaped chicken nuggets

Heart-shaped pizza

Heart-shaped doughnuts

Heart-shaped Chick-fil-a

More heart-shaped pizza (from Pizza Hut… in the U.K., at least)

… and from Domino’s (in Japan, which is seriously stepping up its game).

Heart-shaped beef

Heart-shaped bagels

Photo via Anonymous9000 (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Feb 13, 2014, 11:09 am