Your guide to heart-shaped fast food, the only reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day

Note that none of this is good for your heart. 

 

Molly McHugh

IRL

Published Feb 13, 2014   Updated May 31, 2021, 6:25 pm CDT

The dread of Valentine’s Day is almost as old as the thing itself. For every couple humble-bragging about their plans, there are two singletons bemoaning and/or celebrating their Forever Alone status. Whatever, both groups are entirely insufferable; I neither care to hear about how romantic your boo is with that surprise dinner res or how you’re drinking wine alone with your cats.

The surplus of attention, negative or positive, is what makes Valentine’s day obnoxious. You either hate it or you love it, and either way you’re taking to the Internet in droves to tell me about it. Between the happy hype and Debbie Downers, I can find only one piece of solace:

Heart-shaped food.

Yep, any brand that cuts their wares into the shape of a heart gets my vote for being just plain fun and throwing a little shade at a holiday people take too seriously. There’s something almost sarcastic about turning greasy fast food into a heart-shaped art form that makes the entire day tolerable. Maybe we love it because it’s literally the least effort we can put forward into showing someone we care (here, some fast food cut this thing into a smaller piece of thing, I love you!) or we can celebrate alone (begrudgingly, though almost elate in our aloneness).

Really, this is what we can all appreciate this Friday, whether we’re paired up or flying solo.

Heart-shaped chicken nuggets

who needs a valentine when you can have heart shaped chicken nuggets pic.twitter.com/tMc2Hpsn2c

— justin (@bieberforluke) February 12, 2014

Heart-shaped pizza

Buy me a heart shaped pizza on vday so I know it’s real. pic.twitter.com/s5uBv7dhjd

— Riana R. (@rivnv) February 12, 2014

Heart-shaped doughnuts

Eating heart-shaped donuts while wearing yogas and no makeup. Does it get anymore romantic? @alli_kak 💏💜 pic.twitter.com/0YBWJmrxpV

— Alexa Seybold (@alexaseybold) February 12, 2014

Heart-shaped Chick-fil-a

Chick-fil-a biscuits are heart shaped…how cute 🙈 pic.twitter.com/jagmkQyvHf

— katelyn (@katelyn_ballard) February 12, 2014

More heart-shaped pizza (from Pizza Hut… in the U.K., at least)

Who needs a boyfriend when you’ve got a heart-shaped pizza from @pizzahutuk as your Valentine? pic.twitter.com/0njdozhpg1

— Sugarscape (@sugarscape) February 11, 2014

… and from Domino’s (in Japan, which is seriously stepping up its game).

Share a special heart-shaped treat for Valentine’s Day – from Domino’s Pizza Japan! https://t.co/apws1udXjK pic.twitter.com/Y7GIhRQWZF

— Tokyo Reporter (@tokyoreporter) February 6, 2014

Heart-shaped beef

Aww just what everyone wants for valentines day…heart shaped beef pic.twitter.com/cUGw4QqrQV

— Megan Ritchey (@_meganritchey_) February 12, 2014

Heart-shaped bagels

Heart shaped bagels, guys.. Heart shaped bagels 😭😍💕 pic.twitter.com/OmNZ49u6uF

— abs (@abigaildano) February 12, 2014

Photo via Anonymous9000 (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Feb 13, 2014, 11:09 am CST