- Anti-Trump bros Ed and Brian Krassenstein get kicked off Twitter Thursday 8:07 PM
- Amazon is trying to solve pushback on facial recognition software with a web form Thursday 6:56 PM
- T.I. says Nipsey Hussle’s death was ‘like losing Iron Man’ Thursday 6:32 PM
- Facebook banned billions of fake accounts in the first 3 months of this year Thursday 5:49 PM
- Twitch streamer gets banned for drunkenly passing out during broadcast Thursday 5:00 PM
- WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange indicted under Espionage Act Thursday 4:39 PM
- These doctored videos want to make you think Nancy Pelosi is always drunk Thursday 4:02 PM
- A robot could soon be delivering your packages from a self-driving car Thursday 3:29 PM
- Bipartisan anti-robocall bill overwhelmingly passes Senate Thursday 2:40 PM
- Deepfake-style videos can now be made with just a single image Thursday 1:57 PM
- The Lonely Island’s ‘Bash Brothers’ is what Netflix should be doing with short-form comedy Thursday 1:55 PM
- ‘Green dress lady’ proves green screen memes are still going strong Thursday 1:45 PM
- ‘Bowling alley strike screen’ memes are bizarre and wonderful Thursday 12:40 PM
- TikTok star Mohit Mor shot and killed Thursday 12:00 PM
- Stephen A. Smith is baby Thursday 11:43 AM
Some 2014 goals: getting better at Candy Crush, taking better selfies, twerking more.
What do New Year’s resolutions mean in the digital age? Well, there are now apps to help you make and keep those yearly declarations of resolve — like losing weight or quitting a vice — which usually are forgotten by Feb. 1. But on Twitter, people have been making more specific promises to themselves.
Chartgirl.com founder Hilary Sargent compiled them, and really, what better way to declare your good intentions than to engrave them on our virtual wishing wall? Some themes: Beyoncé made a lot of people want to be better in 2014, or rather, to be more like her. And people still want to keep up with the Kardashians. Or rather, be adopted by them. Smdh.
Other lofty, more specific goals included having New Year’s sex, “trying hot wings more often,” getting better at/becoming less addicted to Candy Crush, taking better selfies, twerking more, and deleting Snapchat. Then there was this poetic declaration:
“resolution: I will stop using Emojis as a crutch to sustain the rapid decline in my ability to express sincere emotion.”
We truly are living in a Golden Age of self-improvement. Here’s the whole Storify for inspiration:
Photo via Gaby AV/Flickr
Audra Schroeder is the Daily Dot’s senior entertainment writer, and she focuses on streaming, comedy, and music. Her work has previously appeared in the Austin Chronicle, the Dallas Observer, NPR, ESPN, Bitch, and the Village Voice. She is based in Austin, Texas.