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The inventor of the AK-47 just died and Twitter is firing parting shots
Mikhail Kalashnikov was a hero—if you measure that sort of thing by body count.
The man who designed the AK-47 assault rifle, which has killed more human beings than any other firearm, just died himself at the ripe old age of 94. Shortly after the news broke, Mikhail Kalashnikov’s name was trending on Twitter, with many users deploying the customary “RIP.”
But not everyone is wishing him a happy afterlife. Because he leaves a complicated legacy of carnage and terror in his wake, some simply had to spit on his grave. Here are a few of the hardest truths—and funniest cynical punchlines—to come out of Kalashnikov’s demise:
the inventor the AK-47, Mikhail Kalashnikov just died. Wouldn’t have happened if he was carrying.
— Desus (@desusnice) December 23, 2013
The inventor of the AK-47 has died. 80s movie villains everywhere are mourning the loss.
— Jason Brooks (@JasonMuses) December 23, 2013
Mikhail Kalashnikov, creator of the AK-47 rifle, Is Dead. He died peacefully in his home of natural causes.
— Achilles Stamatelaky (@astamate) December 23, 2013
Mikhail Kalashnikov, creator of the AK-47 just died at 94. Sure beats riddled with bullets from automatic rifle fire at 19.
— High In America (@highinamerica) December 23, 2013
What’s frustrating is that if you’re smart enough to invent the Ak-47 you’re probably smart enough to invent like a better washing machine.
— James Murtagh (@jamesmurtagh) December 23, 2013
Mikhail Kalashnikov, inventor of the AK-47 rifle, is dead at 94. As someone who has been shot at by his creation, can’t say I’m mourning.
— Mike Glenn (@mrglenn) December 23, 2013
— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 23, 2013
Inventor of the AK-47, Mikhail Kalashnikov, died today at the age of 94. Gangsta rappers everywhere are wearing their pants at half-mast.
— Charlie Speez (@CharlieSpeez) December 23, 2013
AK-47 inventor Mikhail Kalashnikov has died. Expect the #NRA to feel worse about this than they did about Sandy Hook.
— TBogg (@tbogg) December 23, 2013
The NRA, though, has yet to comment on the matter—probably too busy arranging a 21-machine-gun salute.
Photo by Michael Van Dyke/Flickr
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'