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‘Please don’t come to my improv show.’
Feel like hitting up your ex with an unsuspecting but completely ill-intentioned text message? Read this spreadsheet created by people in a similar situation (and take solace in the fact that you’re not alone) instead.
The spreadsheet, titled “texts i wanna send my ex,” is an anonymous, user-created endeavor chronicling all the curses and well wishes that perfectly human people long to send to their exes, but for whatever understandable reason, can’t or shouldn’t. Ironically enough, the mastermind behind this exclusive yet public chatroom of a Google doc, 24-year-old Sean Drohan, created the spreadsheet on Valentine’s Day, and it’s accumulated about 700 entries in the three days since.
Some of these texts are what they say they are—texts. Other entries, however, are reminiscent of the emo corners of the internet from a decade prior, like those sad, attention-seeking MySpace or LiveJournal blog posts in which you’d write about pining over your grade-school crush (no, just me?). Like any gracious public forum, the spreadsheet also has several columns for “reactions” written by ex-text sympathizers.
Accessing the doc appears a little tricky—I myself can see it, but can’t contribute (drats!), while it appears other people have freely added other texts after I’ve first opened the doc. So, while you can still watch (read) other people drag their exes, you may have to take your own text drafts elsewhere if second-hand catharsis isn’t your thing.
Here are a few entries that make Regina George’s burn book from Mean Girls look like child’s play:
You was my personal climate change.
Don’t have to worry about my ChapStick getting stolen!!!
Unblock me you bitch!
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU STEAL MY DOG YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
You are still hot, I give you that…
Please don’t come to my improv show.
Dude I want my fucking Nerf gun back.
Stop looking at my Snapchat story. And throw away the toy we bought together at Hustler…
Keep lurking bitch, I’m doing good.
H/T the Cut
Samantha Grasso is a former IRL staff writer for the Daily Dot with a reporting emphasis on immigration. Her work has appeared on Los Angeles Magazine, Death And Taxes, Revelist, Texts From Last Night, Austin Monthly, and she has previously contributed to Texas Monthly.